the world is not colored for a romantic

Okay. I don't want to talk about anything. I read a stupidly long romance (no, not the Harlequin-esque) that was good and that also wrecked me, because now I'm sitting around pining for my One Great Romance and life doesn't work like that. I know that. Stupid romantic in me, would you just cease and desist already? Pragmatic cynic, o where art thou?

Instead of dwelling on how uselessly girly I feel, and how wistful I am about wanting to find that Soul Mate who will make my Happily Ever After (and I don't believe in happily-ever-afters, damn it) possible, I will instead go do something else.

I'm kind of terrified I'll screw up any meaningful relationship in my life because I'll expect the dramatic fireworks and epic romance sold to me by the media (and fanfiction, shit) and, well, life really doesn't work like that.

Still, if I had a choice, I would like a Zack Fair, please. (Edit: one who doesn't die.)

are these just words or numbers

People say "age is just a number" and I agree to an extent, that it doesn't draw a clear line between sudden wisdom and inexeperienced stupidity, and it doesn't mean some people are better than others at certain things just because of age. I've always believed, though, that age isn't just a number, because age represents a wealth of experiences that are, sadly, only gained with more years. This is not a hard and fast rule, of course, because there are people who are young who've lived through much more than someone who may be 40, for example, but generally speaking, those who are older have had more life experiences than those who are younger.

This is why the senpai/kouhai, sunbae/hoobae relationship works. This is why in pretty much every culture there's a form of the sentiment "respecting your elders". I realize I'm not really anybody's elder by much. A few years don't give me a wealth of wisdom with which to enlighten the masses. But those few years, especially between in the high school-university age period, is actually a pretty significant amount of time for people who are growing up and figuring out their lives. I can't say i've figured it all out (god, I wish), but I know that I look back on the person I was at 16 and am really, really glad I'm not there anymore. I'm glad I've grown and changed.

Obviously, the person I was at 16 is different from other people at 16, but I do think that in 4 or so years people will look back on who they were then and go "hmm. Oh, the things I thought I knew then." Hindsight is built on experience, and that experience, I think, deserves some sort of recognition. It doesn't mean what people think at 16 are wrong, only that years will give people a differnet perspective.

But these are just words and thoughts.

empty space where my heart should be

My biggest fear is and always has been being easily replaceable. (Forgettable? Discardable? My life is written in semantics.)

A close second is failure. I don't like not being good at things.