visual consumption

Sometimes I go on Tumblr and look at pictures of all the places I want to visit - which is, really, the entire world. And then I sigh. I also look at The Art of Animation and make starry eyes because art. It's all beautiful to me, whatever style. Strangely, it's always music where I have the lowest aesthetic for. Oh I love it; I just have no objective standards for it. I miss words though.

if poetry could describe the way you made me feel...

A Softer World straddles "pretentious" and "unsettlingly incisive" for me. There are strips less wistful and more sardonic that also apply, but I try to not dwell on my cynicism; the world provides me enough of that on a daily basis.

Sometimes I reread old entries and wonder if I've grown at all, when all my issues - my fears and worries - are still the same. Other times I reread those entries and am profoundly thankful for where I am today and the people who got me here.

Friendship is a funny thing. Every friendship is shaped a little differently, even if echoes of similarity ring through them; every interpersonal relationship is different, after all, rooted at the bottom from two separate people. Some friendships require constant care, though not always the most tender consideration each and every time. Other friendships can pass quietly in the background, faded from immediate occupation of your consciousness, but reemerge as strong as ever when you reach for it.

Some friendships die without the proper care or attention, if you haven't figured them out what they require and how - if - you can give it.

Friendships change, too. New ones and old ones. I don't know how to tell which ones fall naturally into the kind where you talk frequently and share everything and which ones are the kind where you talk infrequently but always with feeling. Always with feeling. Everything with feeling. That's how we do things 'round here. I got a whole bunch of feelings, y'all.

Hope is the worst thing, that treacherous feeling left in Pandora's box, and yet where would we be without it? Grimly stoic, perhaps. Resigned to our fates, for better or for worse.

Hope is a flower I don't know whether I should guard and water and raise, or one I should secret away where no one can see it wither, should I be disappointed.

I'm not a risk-taker but sometimes I want to take risks. I don't know what I'm doing and it's going against every comfortable, familiar instinct I have. My radars are broken and I have no guide.

What do I have but hope? It's too late. I've already planted that seed, built that tree house in the sky. Let's reach for the clouds.

Also: happy fourth of July.

Happy LNY

I hope the Giants win again! Not because I particularly care for them, but because I hate the Patriots with persistence. (Not even persistent passion the way I hate Duke - I often forget to hate them until someone reminds me they exist, but once I am reminded, grr those Patriots.)

Nishikori upset over Tsonga! I haven't managed yet to watch any of the Australian Open what with the time difference and my lack of cable TV, but I'm keeping up to date with scores and hoping to catch some matches once we get out of the rounds into the quarter/semi/finals. The women's side is a mess of surprises as usual, whereas the men's has kept fairly predictable. I think Nole, Rafa, and Feds have all swept through their rounds without dropping a set. No, wait, Nole dropped one to Hewitt in this last match. Oh god, the draw - if Rafa beats Berdych and Federer beats Del Potro tomorrow, they meet up in the semis and the winner is likely to face Nole. Nail-biting, always. Vamos Rafa, always.

In other sports news, Liverpool makes me cringe with despair, as ever, but you'll never walk alone, etc. etc. Team of my heart, stop making me bleed misery, please? Though this season is a marked improvement on last season, thank you!

UNC is holding fairly steady and I'm pretty happy there, aside from the FSU loss (let's not talk about it). Keep calm and carry on, Carolina! I visited campus on Saturday to see G, on exchange from NUS to UNC exactly a year after my exchange to NUS. She brought me kaya jam! Delight in my mouth - I had kaya toast for breakfast this morning and it's not the same as Ya Kun, of course, but it's the closest I'll get to Singapore in a long time. I can't believe it's been nearly four years since I graduated from UNC; it still looks the same in so many ways. It is the same in many ways. It's strange to see memory and reality overlapping, I guess.

Nothing more this time around: Happy Lunar New Year! It's the year of the dragon, which means...that I turn a quarter of a century old this year. Frightening prospect! Possibly the world will end also, which is always an option I'm up for. (Or perhaps only the internet will end, and that is close enough to the end of the world to be depressing.)

with stable ground beneath your feet

G left today and while I'm sad she had to go because we actually had a really good time together, I'm also a bit relieved because I got nothing done for the bar while she was here. It was a trade-off I was willing to make (happy to make!) but it means I have to handle more stress and tighter deadlines now. I have to make up my sleep deficit and study deficit. It will be okay though - I am not exactly looking forward to it, but I am fairly equable about it.

Google+ looks quite shiny and lovely and better than FB, but I admit I am inclined to like Google products. I don't have the time to play around on it now though, and I really question whether I need yet another social forum in which to draw circles and define levels of interaction. My compartmentalizing skills may be capable of bearing the burden, but it gets weary all the same. Another thought to put off until after the bar. Everything is getting put off until after the bar!

I really wish I had more time to read books (alas) or exercise (hah) or research for AGA. I feel bad that I am not doing more. After tomorrow's simulated MBE, I'll shoot A an email. I pretty much won't be good at staying in touch for the next 3 weeks though. 3 weeks, oh god.

the logic that lies therein

Beach was mostly fun - a little stressful, but trips that require balancing of time/interests/personalities of different people who are not so much mutual friends but mutual acquaintances through one friend tend to be, but overall good. Sunny, sunny, sunny, hot and busy. People everywhere being bad drivers and dudebros on the beach (latter was great beyond measure; the former, not so much). Seafood for lunch and dinner was delicious! Sparklers in the parking lot was classy but celebratory.

Fun times! Tomorrow is for resting in and being anguished while watching tennis, then following it with soothing videos of hilarious things, like Eddie Izzard skits and various things on YT and potentially some quality time with T-Hard and Cpine. G's visit has been great so far with a particular emphasis on cpop/jpop/90s boy band nostalgia and lol oh god our love for Jay Chou. ♥

this brief sojourn through the philippines

Philippines, March 9 -13:

Thursday, 3/10
The moon is a Cheshire cat's grin in the sky tonight, bright against the black sky. The stars - well, they exist. Frankly, sometimes I forget, having grown too accustomed to city-living and nightlights. It has been a long time since I've seen so many stars, so bright.

Tonight, D and I are in Coron, Palawan, one of the many islands of the Philippines. It is a mountainous beach town, limestone mountains right up agains the ocean. It reminds me a lot of Nha Trang, actually, but less commercial and packed with tourists. Here, it is still rural countryside, quiet that is broken only by a cacophony of barking dogs and crowing roosters. (Here, the roosters alert you to whatever hour they please. On a side note, cock fighting remains legal in the Philippines, according to D.)



We've come far from the chaos of Manila. When I arrived at Clark Airport yesterday and took an hour and a half bus ride down into Manila, the guy sitting next to me and I made friends and held a number of interesting conversations about Asia, America, culture, internationalism, and a number of other things. One thing I mentioned was that all Asian countryside (through which we were passing at the time) look a little bit the same, and all Asian cities look a little bit the same as well. Manila reminded me a lot of Ho Chi Minh City with its packed streets and endless honking, the people milling carelessly through the jammed cars and motorbikes to cross where they could, like water stubbornly finding its way around a barrier of rocks. The tricycles (motocycles with a side-attached carrier seat) reminded me of the tuktuks in Cambodia (motorcycles with the carrier seat attached behind). But Manila definitely has a personality of its own: loud, poor, busy, struggling, thriving, shopping. Manila is composed of shopping malls everywhere you look, boasting the third and fourth largest malls in the world (behind the largest in Edmonton, Canada and the second-largest in Minnesota, I think).

I met M at Megamall yesterday and we chatted, had dinner, then met up with D, who took me to a friend's house to crash together for the night.

There are street boys on every busy corner, hailing taxis for anyone looking for them for a few pesos - as much as they can get. There are children everywhere, said D, because of the war the Catholic Church (so influential in a country that is overwhelmingly Catholic) wages against the reproductive health system. Condoms? For shame. It was fascinating to see how many people were actively Catholic yesterday, as it was Ash Wednesday and so many people passed by wearing ash crosses on their forehead. And so many more, without their crosses, still consider themselves Catholic. It was, to me, a sort of comparative exercise to Cambodia, where the people were overwhelmingly Buddhist with some Hindu influences. In so many ways we are the same, but in so many ways we are different.

Manila's public transit is a nightmare. The roads are jam-packed at all hours of the day, as are the trains. I have never retrospectively appreciated Singapore's MRTs as much; I will never again compare you to Seoul's and find you lacking! But we survived the MRTs, the trikes, the jeeps, the buses, the cabs (I've basically been on all forms of public transit in the Philippines within the first 24 hours), and made it to the airport to catch a short 40-minute flight to Coron.

We arrived around 1pm, checked in to our hotel, got lunch (chicken adobo, of course I will have pictures ltaer), and started on our city tour. We saw the harbor, the city center, and the cashew harvest factory - cashews are a major export here, a wealth that grows on trees. Plus, they are delicious. We trekked Mount Tapyas, which was really just a 726 step stair climb (or exercise in effusive sweating), and then, after we took a gazillion pictures to prove our success, made it back down to head to the hot springs. Natural salt-water hot springs surroundedby a mangrove forest - it was amazing to soak there after that mountain stair climb.




We soaked, we came back, we showered, we got dinner. We hit up a close-by Western bistro in our exhaustion which can be summed up thus:

1. 50 peso rum and coke - that is approximately $1. Did I get some? You bet I did.

2. SURPRISE MUSHROOOMS IN MY SPAGHETTI MEAT SAUCE. WORST SURPRISE EVER. :(((


Friday, 3/11
I have spent my time in the Philippines doing two things in particular: climbing up a lot of stairs and snorkeling.

Oh, and surviving death!

Well, this is only partly a joke in reference to the tsunami that was supposed to hit the Philippines, but it is morbid and in bad taste, so really it is not entirely a joke. We were lucky to be on the opposite side of the Philippines from where the tsuanami was supposed to hit, so despite being out on the water (in the water) all day, we saw nothing out of the ordinary and are totally safe and sound. D's boyfriend freaked out at her via text a bit, and I had a few people check in with me over email and FB, but all is well.

The other bit of death-defying mostly entailed almost but not quite drowning a few times while snorkeling today. Honestly, we spent more time in the water that out of it and it was for the most part a lot of fun. Every other time I've gone snorkeling, they've given us life jackets or life savers, but I suppose they are not mandatory...as we were not given them today. We survived, though!

In the morning we started our island-hopping tour with a tiny private boat - it was just the two of us, our tour guide, our boat captain and his (I guess) first mate.



It was like the Vietnam island-hopping trip except with much fewere people and with much more time in the water. I felt like I'd been brined, honestly.

We hit the Twin Lagoons first, which are connected with a tiny hole you swim under, only accessible during low tide.



There was a lot of beautiful coral and fish there and it was very quiet. Later we hit a different island, had a delicious spread for lunch (grouper fish, eggplant salsa, grilled pork chops, steamed crab), and lazed around a bit recovering. Afterwards we snorkeled some more, except this time we hit open water, and discovered the difficulties of snorkeling against a current determined to push you away from wherever you're going. For instance, your boat.

A third snorkeling site to see Skeleton Wreck, which was a Japanese ship that had been sunk during WWII; it was covered in coral and barnacles and seaweed. I really wish we had had an underwater camera...

A fourth snorkeling site, and then we turned to another island to make a steep hike up a mountain. This is the view from the top.



We went back down the other side of the mountain and found a lake! 80% freshwater Not so much to look at underwater here except rocks, though there were also shrimp wandering around and that nibbled at my feet and arms when I sat still long enough. A strange tickling sensation. It was cool seeing wild shrimp though (for lack of a better term); I thought of those paintings by Qi Shi and felt at once so cultured and so Chinese. It was a weird moment.

We hiked back up and down the mountain to return to our boat, then spent the last hour of our trip lazing at a tiny beach while D texted with her boyfriend to reassure him that, no, we were not about to be killed by tsunami, seriously. Our tour guide and boat captain were unfazed throughout the whole ordeal in any case. What a catastrophe in Japan though, that earthquake. I hope rescue and recovery go well and that people stay as safe as possible.

Back to the hotel for showers and dinner. We ate at a bamboo grill and had pork sisig, which is chopped up bits of pork face, pork snout, and pork brains! It was actually delicious.




Saturday, 3/12
No big news today and no pics to accompany. D and I crashed hard at 10 last night and woke up around 8 - a beautiful ten hours of sleep. We had breakfast at our hostel and then wandered into town for some coffee. Mmm, cafe mocha. We wandered back to our hostel to pack and check out and hit the airport around 11, since it requires about a forty-five minute drive. However, once we arrived at the airport, we discovered our 2 o'clock flight had been pushed back to 4, because the first flight was delayed and the airline/airport was so tiny that it only had one plane. So we sat and we waited and ate some cookies for lunch.

The flight was super quick - forty minutes and we were back to Manila. Essentially it went up, cruised for approximately fifteen minutes, and went back down. By this time we were starving for an early dinner, so we headed to a Japanese restaurant that D and her boyfriend frequent, and met up with her boyfriend M there. Food? Delicious. I love maki rolls, okay. I don't think I've had sushi since coming abroad, actually. I will have pics of our delicious foods later up on FB. Also miso soup, mm.

So the story of my Saturday night was a long bus ride from Megamall to Clark Airport around 9pm, meaning I arrived at the airport before midnight, when my flight leaves at 7:40am... (The morning bus doesn't leave until 7, and since it takes approximately two hours to get to the airport, I cannot take that one.)

Little are my life complaints though, after seeing the news this morning doing its full report of the impact of the earthquake tsunami (and resulting nuclear power plant issues) in Japan.


Sunday, 3/13
I am back in Singapore and I really don't want to talk about it. Let me shower and pass out, please and thank you.

Thank you D for making my Philippines trip as lovely as it was. ♥

dancing out on this edge

Monday night was another WashU sponsored dinner, this time at the Asian Civilizations Museum. It was another schmoozing opportunity and I collected a few cards that, honestly speaking, I will probably never use again in my life. Still, an interesting experience. After dinner, A and E and I took the opportunity to stop by the Raffles Hotel where the Singapore Sling was invented and treated ourselves. (Pics on Facebook, as I suppose I shouldn't publicly up pictures of other people without their permission.) Good stuff but oh, pricey indeed.

Tuesday passed in a blur of class (oh angry, impatient, frustrated professor) and nostalgia for Final Fantasy 7. It's a strange nostalgia, considering I've never played the game. Yet I have such love for it - blame Advent Children, I suppose. God, it was gorgeous, and the soundtrack. Oh the soundtrack. I rediscovered my crush on Zack Fair, who to date remains one of my biggest fictional character crushes ever. Do not ask me to explain myself because I'm pretty sure all I could manage would be something along the lines of "alksdghdjf he's just perfect, okay?" (except rendered verbally).

S agrees with me.

S: He is like the most impossibly ideal boyfriend. Minus the dead thing.
Me: :( I AM VERY SELECTIVE ABOUT THE (FICTIONAL) REALITY I LIVE IN.

Today I met up for lunch with (other!) S and (other!) A. We had delicious Hong Kong style dim sum, and milk tea, and milk-and-butter toast, and everything was amazing. I've mentioned how much I love the food here, right? Love it, love it. Then we grabbed coffee and whiled away the afternoon at Starbucks just chatting and being totally ridiculous at each other, much, I'm sure, to the horror of anyone within earshot.

We are all going to the concert on Saturday night! So that should be a lot of fun. C is just about getting on the plane over in New Orleans, ready to fly out here to me and Singapore and the concert. I am looking forward to it. It's going to be an awesome weekend.

And making more travel plans! Got Vietnam & Cambodia settled (end of Feb), looking like Bangkok will be set as well (late April), and now thinking about Taiwan and Indonesia or the Philippines. Indonesia and Taiwan are on the pricier side, so I'm not sure. I'd also like to have travel companions if I went there. The Philippines are cheap! But I need to investigate potential places to stay/people to see... Decisions, decisions. Korea is out, I think. Too pricey, however much I may love it.

point and counterpoint in the people and places you know

We intended to go on the night safari last night but, alas, weather intervened in the form of a lengthy bout of rain. So instead the crowd (F, A, B, R, R, and I - hey we make a band name! FABRRi, the next biggest pop act) grabbed some dinner and decided to go to Blu Jazz Café to meet up with some of R's friends. But of course there was going to be pre-gaming, so to A's tiny single room we went, collecting along with us E and N. N is a girl. The rest are all boys. Did I mention recently that I seem to have some trouble reaching out and getting to know the exchange girls here? N and I bonded over that a bit! Strange how boys are easier to hang out with, really. But to balance out all this testosterone and crudeness, all the people I already know in Singapore are girls (S, F, G, P) and I spend time with them solo, apart from exchange activities. So it works out well for me, I think.

A put on his laptop speakers and cranked up the music, we broke out the rum and coke, the vodka and tonic, and I got comfortably tipsy. I did keep in mind D's advice from ages ago to never be drunk surrounded only by guys, even if they are supposed to be guy friends, or decent guys, or people you should be able to trust not to take advantage of you. "Should" is such a...loaded word, really. Many people are nothing they "should" be.

We cabbed over to Blu Jazz Café later and had met up with more people, had some more beer, chatted, etc. It was a really nice mild night, breezy and not as humid as usual. The live band was pretty good, the singer was fun, and R and B and I danced a bit inside while the rest hung about our table outside and commenced social interaction. Other R and N had quite a bit of flirtation going on, even though apparently N already has a boyfriend? (And is probably at least three years older than R, but that stops no one these days, am I right?)

I had a good time but we got back late, and I spent some time thinking people were trying to set me up with F, which - vehemently - no thank you. No more Asian boys with misogynistic attitudes, not even ones with a good job at a good NY law firm lined up after graduation. Apparently I am not all that shallow. (Or perhaps I am. He is also not nearly tall enough for my tastes.)

God, other D explained to me that the main reasons guys go on study abroad programs is to 1) drink and 2) hook up. So far, most of these guys have proved him right. A and B being the lovely exceptions. A gets along with everyone, is very laid-back and friendly, and can get rowdy in his own way, but underneath it all he's a really good guy: respectful of women too. He apologized a few times throughout the night that the guys were making hooker jokes, were being crude about wanting to hook up, etc. He can still join in occasionally, but he at least recognizes that such jokes can be and are legitimately offensive. It means a lot. B, also, is a really good guy. Quieter, younger than A, but very interested and willing to try new foods and see new places and not at all here just to drink, party, club, and hook-up. If he wants to meet people, it's to get to know them, not to just get wasted with them, and it's refreshing.

(This is a tough blogpost to write without mentioning names. But I maintain I will keep it this way for now. Pictures on Facebook and, well, you may be able to figure out enough based on the tags.)

So that happened last night. Today, I met up with F for lunch at ION (Singapore's largest mall) and had amazing char siew wonton noodles for lunch (and for only 3.50, which is a positive steal in this Orchard Road pure-touristy-prices mall). We then made our way to Singapore's Botanic Gardens, which were leafy and rich and so, so green. Beautiful, peaceful, and really lovely. A spot of rain almost soaked us but - being prepared - we had our umbrellas. I felt terrible for the people who had spread out under the sun for picnics, only to get drenched with little warning.

The weather cleared up fairly quickly though, and we explored the entire gardens, essentially. It was a really nice break from the Singapore and counterpoint to the more social/people/drinking scene from last night.

Making plans for travel now, contemplating dinner, and weighing how much I want to do class readings versus manga readings. I suspect I know which will win out. I suspect I still need to make that post about my classes and professors. I have not forgotten!

the springtime of our youth?

I love spring. I love it even though the pollen count climbs ever higher and covers the world in a thin film of yellow and has everyone around me (myself included) tearing up and sneezing in the most unattractive manner. Despite the human reaction to spring, the world around me is so gorgeous that I don't mind. I love the sunlight, warm and golden, not yet scorching hot and oppressive like it gets during summer. The leaves are just budding, young and spring green, and the flowers - spring flowers are my favorite.

I keep telling myself and others that my favorite flower's probably the gardenia but I might as well own up to the fact right now that it isn't. I love gardenias - they're pretty and they smell divine, but they are summer flowers and they grow on shrubs. I love spring flowers best: cherry and peach blossoms, tulips and daffodils, irises and hydrangeas and everything that is colorful and perennial and gorgeous.

Daffodils are so sunny and cheerful; tulips come in a palette of colors that just makes me happy. White tulips can be so elegant, too. Whenever (if?) I get married one day, I think I'll want tulips there. They are just so pretty. ♥

There are other thoughts I want to blog about later, but right now I'm just enjoying the gorgeous weather and season.