these defects in your lecture are not latent

You must distinguish "acceptance of the goods" from "acceptance of offer". REALLY?! Because if you're discussing goods, then you already have a contract. That is why my (pause) framework (pause) or methodology (pause) is helpful. OH MY GOD.

OH MY GOD CTRL+SHIFT+G DOESN'T EVEN WORK ANYMORE, FML.

Before I tear my hair out in frustration. Professor K, at this point in my life, I miss you so fucking much.

I'd suggest you take another look at your priorities

When someone tells you that something you do/say is racist or could very easily be construed as racist (because it is not 100% clear just what the hell you're doing; we aren't mind-readers, sorry) even if you didn't intend for the action/words to be so--

Of course, naturally, the first reaction is to gasp in outrage and exclaim vociferously that it is just so rude and hurtful that someone might be calling your, explicitly or implicitly, racist. Do people not know who you are? Of course you couldn't possibly ever be racist or say or do racist things. Being talked at like you have, or did, even unintentionally - by gods, that is just unacceptable! No one should treat you like you're ignorant.

Because being treated like you're ignorant or racist is "probably not much different than having your culture shunted for lighter skin."

Right.

The Last Airbender: a fucking disgrace.

When you choose to pay to see The Last Airbender, you are paying to support institutionalized racism. If you don't get why, ask me. If you're going to see it anyway, knowing why it's problematic, you are effectively telling me that my experiences - my feelings and stories and LIFE - as a minority are secondary to your 2 hours of whitewashed entertainment.



And now for the emotional response:

I wish people were not so fucking ignorant and lazy and would take the time to educate themselves when they see that someone is really upset about something and maybe think, hey, I should check out why they're so upset not just be like "lol why are you upset, PLEASE EXPLAIN THINGS TO ME BC I AM NOT MOTIVATED ENOUGH TO LEARN ON MY OWN". And I know I'm just angry & hurt right now, I know that if we want to really educate people on WHY SOME SHIT SUCKS we really (unfairly) have to do that reaching out, but right now I am just so fucking tired of it, tired of people wallowing lazily in their own privilege and ignorance and not taking the initiative to maybe learn some shit on their own. TLA is seriously affecting me more than I thought it would. At first it was just a cause, a signal boost, to get people aware of the problems and how not okay it was, but somehow now it's personal and hearing people's arguments defending it and accusing people who care of reverse racism and being too sensitive and dismissing our feelings & experiences & EVERYTHING - now it just hurts. I'm not just angry, I am fucking personally hurt. /over-emotional, possibly teary right now, fuck.

I sort of expect to be disappointed by everyone in the world right now, including people I AM close with. Just, fuck, it still hurts. It's personal. It's them essentially saying "I don't care about YOU", I don't think your opinions are valid, I am not going to listen to what you say because I like my ignorance or my privilege just fine.

In fact, I just got an email from some friends I was making plans to see Twilight/Eclipse with (drunkenly to mock) and they said, "Sorry to change the subject but I'll be watching TLA this weekend, if any of you want to join" and I sort of am this close to tears right now. Fuck. They're so so informed on gay rights/feminist issues, some of them ARE PoC, I can't believe they haven't heard the crap about this movie. I can't believe it. I emailed them back with links and basically begging them to not go see it but, dear God, I can't deal with this. How are people so willingly to be blind to these things? I am so upset; this is so fucking personal, and I DARE anyone to tell me not to care or not care so much or that it's not a big deal. I can't deal with this right now.

champagne apocalypse: oh god k i'm still worked up about tla right now
champagne apocalypse: angry/hurt slkghfj i don't even want to talk to people rn bc i know i wouldn't be rational
champagne apocalypse: i'd just be like SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP also FUCK YOU
champagne apocalypse: aslgdkh & that's not exactly productive
champagne apocalypse: this REALLY brings home to me how shitty the tone argument is though
champagne apocalypse: basically saying i'm not going to listen to you can't be polite & rational about it. WELL FUCK YOU this is personal, this hurts, this makes me angry and upset and emotional. thanks for trivializing that and saying i should just get over it if i want to convince you that my opinions & feelings are legitimate.

Eating lunch, taking a nap, I don't even fucking know. Don't talk to me.

listen up: fuck you

Can we talk about victim-blaming and how very much Not Okay I am with it? Can we talk about how entirely shocking, depressing, and horrifying it is to realize that some of my closest friends participate in it? Can we talk about the fact that I do want to educate them about the problems associated with it, but sometimes I can't even talk to them about the subject without wanting to tear my hair out and scream about their just world fallacy?

Let me make this clear: VICTIM BLAMING IS NOT OKAY. And if you try to do that to my face, I will be furious.

ETA: How appropriate that I find this post (on how marginalized groups are often thrust into teaching roles and how they should not be obligated to educate others who should be educating themselves) the day after I post?

hey, did you know?

I think some people don't believe me when I tell them I am actually a very mean person. It's true that, for all I complain (read: bitch and moan) about the world, I'm generally a pretty optimistic person who believes the best in people.

But when I get in the mood, or am put in certain situations, I am very mean. I am passive-aggressive and snide about it, and not that subtle if I don't want to be.

It's a fault. And one I'm not sure how to go about correcting because, oh, you know what? I don't really want to get over it.

Because sometimes I just don't like you and I want to be mean about it.

what if you just fall into a ditch and die?

I hate my Copyright class. We spent a good half hour today debating whether or not silence (i.e., recording silence) is copyrightable.

NO, IT ISN'T.

For a variety of legal reasons, all brought up in the first five minutes of this debate, that people then spent the rest of the half hour rehashing. Oh my god, shut up, why are you wasting my life?

The thing is, my class is full of such arrogant douchebags who just like to hear themselves talk and have such attitudes when they speak (like, duh, of course I'm right, how could anyone believe any other opinion but mine), that it made me want to argue against them, for the copyrightability of silence.

And silence is not copyrightable.

I'm low-protectionism anyway (how could I be otherwise?). But this was a fucking waste of my time, just like every. other. Copyright. class. ever.

fuck fuck fuck and more

Incredibly frustrated, stressed, and tired. Prone to crying at the smallest thing. It feels like there are endless things to do and I can't take the first step towards accomplishing them until I'm over this emotional block and hurdle. I want to throw a tantrum instead of doing anything productive, even though it would serve only to make me more frustrated.

I hate technology, I hate this internet connection, I hate having to see you, I hate not being able to see you, I hate having to write, not being able to write, I hate not accomplishing things I was supposed to accomplish yesterday, and I hate it even more when it's out of my control.

I miss you. I miss you so fucking much, and I don't know if you get that. I'm so fucking stressed and unhappy and that always makes me want to swear up a storm, or at least use the word fuck a lot: fuck this life, fuck you all, fuck this fuckass piece of fucking shit.

I think I'll just curl up in bed and cry. That's right. I going to be Emo with a capital E, get over yourselves. Sorry I feel so much that apparently whenever I feel down at all, I get slapped with a label. Fuck you.

This isn't fair. I just want this to be fixed. Or for me to not feel this way, helpless and strained and under so much pressure (from what? from what?); I just want it to go away so I can deal with my life again.

I fucking hate things out of my control that fuck up my life.

an occassion, a thought, a complaint

An occasion:

It's awesome to be done with 1L year, even if I'm not all done with obligations. There's still the write-on to do, but after a weekend off, the prospect of doing work tomorrow isn't so awful. It was a relaxing weekend, in any case. :) And mostly it's been nice weather, which is especially good when coinciding with time off.

A thought:

It's strange how time (and distance) pulls some people together and yet separates other people, oftentimes not on bad terms. Drifting away happens and it's not even quite sad because it's so gradual. I almost wish we were still as close as we used to be (strange how she manages where we can't), but to be honest, I don't think either of us are invested enough to make the effort.

A complaint:

Lollipop is going to be one of those annoyingly catchy songs I wish I hadn't listened to, isn't it? Oh damn.

making a statement

FUCK YOU.

inconsequential irks

Things that annoy me, #11:

People who douse themselves in cologne, perfume, or aftershave - whatever artificial odor it is, they wear too much of it, it smells terrible, and it gives me a headache.

You're lucky no one happens to be playing with an open flame anywhere near you; you'd probably catch on fire. (Gives new meaning to the phrase 'diaf', doesn't it?)

Though I doubt that would smell any better.

to those so-called friends over there

If you have a problem with why I'm friends with G, that's too bad. I don't have time to talk about it or to defend myself or to explain myself. I don't have time to involve myself in this ridiculous drama.

I had a good night. Thanks for ruining it. I'd like you to please stop expecting or demanding things out of me, because if you have a problem with her, I am not responsible for talking to her on your behalf. I'd also like you to stop questioning my judgment in friends, because you're not me, and you don't have that right.

I don't defend everything she does, but that's not the point. The point is that I am angry and unhappy with the way you think I should react a certain way, though you are not me, and you do not know my motives or wishes or, really, all that much about me.

I don't want to talk about this, because it makes me angry, and because it takes up too much time. Maybe we can talk about it after a few days when broaching the subject doesn't instantly incense me, and after I'm free on fall break.

Until then, I refuse to touch this drama and I'll ask you to keep it the fuck away from me. Thanks kindly.

let's enforce that 2m personal bubble, shall we?

Today I would like to share with you my thoughts on Public Displays of Affection.

Sometimes, I think it's cute--this is in limited quantities of hand-holding and hugs and maybe a quick kiss on the cheek or on the mouth. Something fleeting and small, but indicative of great depth of feeling. That's sweet and makes me want some affection like that for myself.

Sometimes, I think people need to remember that they're in public and that not everyone around them wants to see just How Very Close They Are. You might be sleeping with each other, but I don't care, and I don't want the fact shoved in my face with your groping and your teasing body language and your multitude of endless, sloppy kisses. I'm not that interested in being a voyeur, thanks.

And sometimes, I think people need to get the fuck off each other and get back to studying for their exams. Hey, you want sit down at the table right across from me in Davis? Fine. You want to start making out in front of me for half a freaking hour? I am less okay with this. I am so much less okay with this that I am tempted to look up facts about STIs and read them aloud, or maybe find a painful description of some disgusting medical procedure and read that out loud. If you came to Davis to study, then study, and if you came here to grope each other, FIND ANOTHER FUCKING TABLE. You don't even have to get a room. You just need to remove yourself from my table and from my sight. Find a convenient shelf fifty meters down, if need be, but leave the sanctity of my study table alone.

There might be thoughts about my personal comfort level of physical affection later, when I am less inclined to throw sharp, heavy objects at people whom I hope fail their exams because they will be spending all their time thinking about sucking face and not pre-1600 Russian history or organic chemistry.

Not that I'm vindictive or anything. What gave you that idea?