my book about being mistaken for a hooker (yes it's happened more than once)

This afternoon F and I decided to explore Geylang, Singapore's infamous red light district. I didn't expect much in terms of scandalous people or behavior since it was 2 in the afternoon, but apparently he expected otherwise. Boys, honestly. Every girl he passed he would eye quickly and covertly, then turn to me and mutter under his breath, "So do you think she's a--?"

"No," I said on more than on occasion, "I think she's just a normal girl walking down the street!"

"But it's the red light district!" he protested.

"It's also two in the afternoon!"

"Then what are they doing, if they're not out?"

"Oh, I don't know," I said, throwing my hands in the air, "sleeping?" Honest to God, people, this is why I will never date Asian guys again. They can be decent to hang out with but there is so much underlying misogyny and homophobia in their outlook on life. No thanks.

We made a pit stop for food and F joked that he was wary of the food here - it might have STDs. "Are you kidding," I said. "I highly doubt they have sex with the food and then sell it. Don't be ridiculous."

Apparently I am not so good with sex-worker jokes anymore, if I ever was. My sense of humor, I seem to have lost it somewhere.

The entire area is not as bad as it might sound. Definitely more run-down than the wealthier, glitzier parts of Singapore, it boasts a lot of tiny food shops (hot pot, Korean barbecue, more hawker centers with traditional Singaporean food) and massage parlors and shady KTVs. It is obviously not the most reputable part of town and I have no doubt that some not-entirely-legitimate businesses may occur at night, but it's entirely safe and not terribly interesting on a sunny Saturday afternoon.

A little later, we passed a girl getting out of a taxi in short shorts and high heels. "She must be," F said with conviction after we pass her. I rolled my eyes.

"You can't just assume every girl wearing high heels is a hooker."

And then he started laughing because he finally realized that I was in heels (and jeans, mind) and had been the entire walking trip through the area. "No wonder all the guys were looking at you. They think you're one."

Sadly, this was true. There's nothing quite like being looked up and down by dirty old men as you pass them by in the middle of the red light district, even when you are wearing more clothes than the guy you're with. Nothing like visiting the red light district to realize how terrible guys can be.

I faked amusement, because it's what you do, I guess. How do you reply to that? "Yes, you think it's hilarious that other people think I'm a hooker. I think it's hilarious too!"

I originally thought this was going to be a sort of funny retelling of my afternoon adventures, but it turns out it's really just an unfunny retelling of a not-terrible but far from great experience with misogyny and, yeah, I'm gonna say it - rape culture.

Good times, y'all. Good times. I'm going to put this afternoon out of mind now that I've complained about it and hope that tonight's plans for the night safari go better.

welcome to your year

Happy New Year!

I don't really celebrate on new year's eve because I'm always in NC and it's always...quiet. A bit isolating. I love my family, but we're not exactly the type to party and drink in celebration. I would do it with friends, but really I have no close friends here except A, and she has her own circle of close friends here because they live here year-round. I just visit. So I usually have a quiet new year's eve, but it's all right. New years tend to depress me a little bit because they remind me of the wasted opportunities in the past year and all that bright shining hope in the new year - that usually ends in disappointment by the end. Because I am still not as proactive and carpe diem as I should be.

But let's not get into that! I had a good day yesterday - I went to visit A in the afternoon in Apex and we hung out. She had a late lunch at Panera while I clasped a vanilla latte to my chest in the raptures of the addicted, and then we whiled the hours away at Borders.

Every time I visit Borders, I wander past the YA shelves and am aghast. Rows and rows of black-bound books with fancy colored font, all about vampires and werewolves and supernatural romances. Those that aren't are about rich boarding schools and fancy parties with lots of drama. And what remains is all historical fiction (i.e., RPF AU or spin-offs of Jane Austen and her works). Apparently, boys have nothing to read. Slim pickings include zombies and GI Joe novelizations. I am left more determined than ever to write a new best-selling YA series involving a prestigious boarding school full of rich girls in pretty dresses having drama about their supernatural boyfriends: vampires, werewolves, leprechauns, centaurs, god knows what else. Yes, it will be highly successful, can't you tell.

Anyway, after leaving Borders, I returned with A to her house and helped make dumplings. Handmade, homemade, etc. The best way to do dumplings, because the frozen stuff does not compare - and I'd know. I ate so many frozen dumplings surviving the last few weeks of school/exams.

Insert thoughts here reflecting on the differences between her family and mine, but they are not bad differences - they are merely differences.

But that is for another time. For now, a new year. Let's be optimistic! My resolutions for 2011 are:

-Have fun in Singapore.
-Be proactive about what I want to do post-graduation.
-Write something original of significant length.
-Be grateful.
-Be happy.

don't make me promises; baby you never did know how to keep them well

My entire life is the WC right now. Well, no, not really. But it's the only part I want to talk about right now because if I focus on the other bits, I will just be depressed. Already feeling extremely "meh" physically and mentally and emotionally recently; my appetite has been fucked over and...other things. Whatever. Let's not dwell on the depressing things right now.

Ironically, of course, the first thing that I want to talk about is England's 4-1 loss to Germany.

I can't even be heartbroken because I'm too pissed. The England NT is shit and played like shit. Germany was amazing and I love them. Not only are they cute, they were also incredibly clinical and efficient, so unselfish in their playing - they passed so well and they worked together as a team. Podolski, you are so adorable. :D Özil, Schweinsteiger, Klose, Müller, Neuer, oh man - what an incredible goalkeeper. Even if you did con the ref and admit to it later. Regardless, mad props all around for Germany. They are now #2 team in my heart, right after Spain. I don't know their chances against Argentina but I am cheering for them!

Though, to be fair, the score should have been 4-2. England's second goal was clearly a goal and having it disallowed was pure crap. I still have a lot of pent-up rage about that (fucking ref, fucking FIFA) but I can't say that would have changed the outcome of the game considering how England was playing. (Really awfully.)

Always excepted from my yelling about England is Stevie G. Stevie, I'm sorry your NT sucked but I love you forever and always. ♥ He is so much class, you guys:

“If you look at the game as a whole we’ve been beaten by the better team. Had Frank’s goal counted it could have been a turning point in the game, but we can’t use that as an excuse. They’ve scored four goals and we only got one, which tells its own story.

“We made too many mistakes as a team. Germany were more organised than us and were more clinical. They got in five or six times and scored four goals so you’ve got to give them credit.”

I'm keeping up with the other matches, of course, but nothing will stress me except Spain now. They play Portugal tomorrow and I am already nerve-wracked. I am also hungry so I'm probably going to look into food instead of languishing here with further thoughts about the World Cup. I feel like I keep repeating myself anyway; there's nothing new to report! Or I am just too lazy, which is always a valid possibility.

a rollercoaster of emotions for good and bad and football

The past week has been a mix of emotions for me: a lot of anger and a lot excitement. The anger, frustration, and resignation stemmed from a lot of serious discussions on topics like racism, white privilege, and whether (or how) "intent" factors into that. Yet, despite how frustrating and exhausting it can be to engage with people, I have to say in the end I'm really grateful that I have friends willing to talk about these things with me, even if some of them disagree with me or approach the argument from (what I think is) a somewhat skewed or privileged standpoint. Honestly, I know a lot of people who find it easy to say "how awful!" and then move on without really thinking more of the situation or topic and its implications and how it might affect their life.

That made me wonder: Is it unfair of me to want everyone to engage in these topics? Honestly speaking I was not seriously engaging in these issues until this past half year or so (though of course up 'til then I'd always said, "yes I'm liberal, yes I'm pro-whatever, and so on). But now that I've started caring, I sort of wish everyone else would too. I don't necessarily expect them to and I understand that mindset to an extent, since I was stuck there for so long, but it still saddens me. I feel like a lot of people do care about these issues but don't engage. I don't know how to make people want to engage but...that's probably not something another person can force on them. They have to come to that point in perspective on their own.

A friend said to me: "So many people are already talking about this so eloquently and I don't have much to add/I'm afraid I'll bungle my words/thoughts."

I was in this place for a long time; I'm still kind of there, which is why I link people to what other people say so often. But the more we read, the more we understand and are better to formulate and frame our own words and arguments. So that makes me hopeful that I will slowly become more eloquent. And there is nothing wrong with linking to or quoting other people's words either. :)

Related to this, I was reflecting a while back about how we should confront friends/family about these issues and when it's worth it - it's a balance, definitely. I guess for now the best thing we can do is to go by our gut of what is the right thing to do.

But in more lighthearted news, I have been completely swept up in the fever excitement of the 2010 World Cup. It is a lot of fun to care about something the rest of the world is so excited about too!

Some things to know about me & the World Cup:

#1) Everything I know about football I've learned in the past two weeks, since the WC started. My more knowledgeable friends, wikipedia, and random commentary informs most of what I know.

#2) I will use "football" because that is what it is, dammit, and anyway - all the people flailing with me about it are non-USA friends and they all use that term.

#3) An offshoot of above, I don't feel bad at all that the USA is not my first team because why should I have national loyalty in this sport to a country that can't even use the proper term for it and also refuses to understand what the hell the "pitch" is. /JUDGES FOREVER ): But I do still support USMNT because Capt. America is hot, unf. (This is, uh, sarcastic and I am not seriously judging anyone. Just to clarify.)

#4) I am totally, ridiculously, shamelessly shallow about hot footballers. I am all about the shirtlessness and the jersey-swapping, oh yeah. Maybe weirdly, the five teams (England, Spain, Germany, USA, S. Korea) I whole-heartedly support are not chosen on the basis of good looks alone.

#5) Mocking Cristiano Ronaldo is one of my joys in life.

#6) Steven Gerrard is my ONE TRUE LOVE. Even though England is consistently overrated in the WC and did not impress me with their game against the USA and pissed me off badly in their game against Algeria. Somehow I still love them, though I am saddened that they do not live up to expectations of awesomeness.

#7) I tweet like mad during the games. I have basically watched all the games (granted, the super early ones like the one this morning between Slovakia and Paraguay I only catch the last few minutes of because I don't care that much, but I will unfortunately be up at dawn tomorrow to catch Portugal against North Korea). I find myself hilarious. It is really a lie, though.

I will not go into more detail about individual games because there has been a lot of rage and frustration and dramatic cries of "no, why, why are you breaking my heart!" and also lots of cursing at refs. But I will be going to a pub tomorrow to watch the Spain v. Honduras game and cheering madly for España. Let's just leave it at that and hope Spain does not, again, rompa mi corazón.

I will add, though, that it's sort of nice to just be depressed by shallow things like World Cup games for a change instead of DEPRESSED BY HOW MUCH HUMANITY SUCKS.

shut up and listen to me

A:

A lot of straight men are uncomfortable with the idea of homosexuality or finding themselves in a situation where they need to check everything a gay man tells them for sexual innuendo. God knows why but it creeps them out. That said, most of these men will not go out of their way to beat up homosexuals in shady alleys, you know? This shit is not black and white. Yes, bigoted comments are douchey, but raging at the kid about homophobia will not solve anything. Hell, in my experience, raging at any straight male who finds homosexuality "weird", "creepy", "sick" or something in-between will only send them into a defensive rage, and then there you are, snarling at each other like animals. I'm sure there has to be a solution, but I'm also sure it does not involve "beating sense" into anyone, literally or figuratively.

Me:

I definitely agree it's a kneejerk kind of reaction from my straight male friends too, and also this: "It's sad, it's a fucking shame, but that's how it is."

But I don't think that makes it okay, even if that's how it is.

Passive homophobia, to me, is still homophobia. Even if they aren't going out to beat people up or try to make gay people feel discriminated against or vulnerable, their reaction still enforces the fact that homophobia is not the norm, and not acceptable. Their values will be passed on to their kids, to other people they know and associate with. It's not just about "that one gay friend they have that they're okay with", it's about an entire institution of homophobia and bigotry and prejudice that they're helping reinforce.

Is it okay for someone to burn a cross on someone's lawn as long as they don't hurt them physically? Is it okay to make homophobic jokes as long as you don't call someone a faggot to his face?

I don't think so. Obviously, not everyone agrees with me but... I don't think it's okay to be homophobic or racist or sexist as long as you are less homophobic or racist or sexist as someone else.

That all said, I do agree with your conclusion that "beating sense" into anyone is not really going to...work. As fondly as some people might dream of that.

A:

I saw a lot of comments which basically dismiss the relevance of social pressure and the knee-jerk, conditioned response of most heterosexual men at the mere mention of male homosexuality, and I just can't agree with that. My brother would probably act all weirded out around a gay person and possibly try to avoid them, but he would never, ever hurt them intentionally, be it in a verbal or physical way. It's sad, it's a fucking shame, but that's how it is. If we can't accept first that acceptance doesn't come to everyone naturally, then how can we call ourselves more accepting than them? :|

M:

If we can't accept first that acceptance doesn't come to everyone naturally, then how can we call ourselves more accepting than them?

This is very true. It's actually pretty hypocritical, to not accept the unaccepting for being unaccepting. But that said, if the target is the comment, then I don't see a problem. [...]

Me:

I sort of violently disagree with this statement: It's actually pretty hypocritical, to not accept the unaccepting for being unaccepting.

Why should I be accepting of a racist or a bigot? Why should I have to? "Oh, sorry, I understand you're raised that way, you can't help the fact that you're a homophobe or that you hate all black people or that you think women are naturally inferior to men. Sorry, I should respect your views as a an unaccepting bigot because you can't help being that way."

No.

I don't think it's hypocritical not to be accepting of bigots. That implies that there is no objective truth, that it all depends, that they might be right and their opinions should be given weight. I don't think they're right. I think they're wrong. And I don't want to accept their views.

C:

I like your reply, because that's the truth, plain and simple. To accept them is to give them the idea that their way of thinking is just as justifiable and proper as yours. And it gives them support to continue that way.

M:

It isn't to say that you need to be accepting of racism or bigotry, but I guess to be accepting of the fact that they are not always the ones who control their own viewpoint. I very much believe that we are shaped by the environment we grow up in. Of course we can change, of course there are some things we should realize when they slap us right in the face, but not everybody goes through the same experiences and some mindsets are more difficult to change than others.

That implies that there is no objective truth, that it all depends, that they might be right and their opinions should be given weight. I don't think they're right. I think they're wrong. And I don't want to accept their views.

[...]

For me, reaction can be just as important as the original action. I think it's much more beneficial for the relationship of both sides to say, "I understand you live in a society that thinks this, but why don't you reanalyze what you're saying and look at it from this point of view, instead." It's only when anyone adamantly refuses to even consider other options that I basically stop accepting them into my life, along with their opinions.

Me:

Maybe it's just semantics then, because the sentence "If we can't accept first that acceptance doesn't come to everyone naturally, then how can we call ourselves more accepting than them?" says to me very clearly that we should be accepting of the unaccepting or we will be hypocrites.

Yes, we should try to understand the context they exist in. Yes, society and environment is a huge factor. I'm not proposing that we all hate all homophobes forever (if I did, I would be hating my own family forever). I'm saying that while context is definitely important if we are trying to reach out to these people and help them understand, we should not accept their viewpoints as legitimate even if we know "where they're coming from". Because that means we're giving validity to the idea that gays are something to be feared, or whatever.

...in the end, I think we're actually agreeing on the point that we should acknowledge and recognize why they believe certain things. Mostly.

Then I start to question: why do we have to be so understanding and accepting and trying so damn fucking hard to educate ignorant people when they are the ones in the wrong? I shouldn't have to teach the privileged bigots why they're wrong.

i'm more than a man in a phony red sheet

So there's a facebook group called "we used to be friends until you got a bf/gf" which symbolizes the common problem of friends becoming MIA once they've acquired a significant other. They get so wrapped up in each other that they forget about spending time with friends (i.e., people who aren't the SO). It's natural to an extent, especially in a new relationship, and it's important to spend time together in order to develop that relationship...but it's a common problem because many people cross an invisible line of spending too much time with only the SO. You can't get so involved in a relationship that you forget to be an independent, individual person with your own interests and friends.*

But that's not really the case here, because this particular friend does see people besides the SO: those people just happen all to be the SO's friends, not her friends. There are a number of reasons why this is also understandable, but in the end I still quite feel like it's not quite right. If it's going to be an actual relationship, both people need to recognize and become familiar with the friends and people important in their SO's lives; it can't just be a one-way street.

At least the friend in question still makes some effort to see the friends (friend) most important to her on her own.

...friend. Just one. There is only one person among the ostensible group of friends who is important enough to make an effort to see and talk to when all other time is spent with the SO and the SO's friends. It's saddening, disappointing, and eye-opening. Though I can't say I'm entirely surprised.

I wonder if there's a facebook group called "we used to be roommates until you got a bf/gf".

Though I suppose I shouldn't be complaining about having the apartment to myself. My main struggle is my lack of reliable transportation now - to school or to, you know, buy groceries. Which needs to be done soon. I guess I'll just have to beg favors and pull out the bribes.

I'm not bitter and I do want her to be happy, even if it's turned out that we're not actually close friends. But if I'm speaking truthfully, the relationship has definitely complicated and added stress to my life. I should totally involve myself in a relationship solely for the benefit of a car. /joking

Nothing in the world right now is worth the drama and stress and emotional engagement required of a relationship.


*I should probably qualify this with the fact that my perspective is entirely colored by how I am evidently in no way ready for relationships or commitment because for me, right now, I come first. My family comes first. My friends come first. And oh man do I need alone time more than I need cuddling/sharing/whatever time.

visual stimulation in exchange for cognitive stimulation

I spent the first weekend of Spring Break being absolutely unproductive in regards to school, which was my goal. I achieved it handily and instead got some shopping done, redyed my hair, read for pleasure, and watched a lot of movies.

So here are some thoughts:

Ponyo on the Cliff: Ponyo was...ridiculously good. It's very Miyazaki, very Japanese, and it has a lot of fantastical elements to it - but it was the brightest and most uplifting Miyazaki film I've ever seen. Ponyo was so cute and strange and endearing; Sosuke was earnest and sweet. The most frightening or dark part of the entire movie had to be the violent tsunami/storm, but it's nothing compared to the darker elements of Spirited Away or Howl's Moving Castle or, god forbid, Princess Mononoke.

A lot of the background art was colored with pencils and it was simply gorgeous. The little details in animation really stood out to me - the way Lisa closed a door with her foot, for example, when her arms are full of groceries. The way Sosuke ran - carefully and awkwardly - when he had a pail full of water in his arms. All the little details were very realistic despite the supernatural elements of the movie, and it was so sweet and innocent and it is currently fighting Howl's Moving Castle as my favorite Miyazaki film. Honestly speaking, I liked it more than I liked Up! The storytelling styles are obviously very different, but I think Ponyo did a better job. While Up! was also fun and moving at parts, I kept comparing it to Finding Nemo and the kind of cohesive storytelling it could have been - but it fell short. Ponyo, being measured on a different scale, still did really well. Imo, of course. But I have a thing for more subtle stories that seem to focus only on one narrow premise (a tiny goldfish princess meets a five-year-old boy and falls in love) but really say much more.

Also, the ending song is too cute for words. I love this movie.

Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs: So I only vaguely remember this picture book from my childhood, but I'm pretty sure it did not turn out nearly as cracky as the movie did. The movie is... Okay, so the directors got high, and then they made this movie. That is basically what happened and watching the extra behind-the-scenes bits did not do much to convince me otherwise.

That said, this movie is hysterical. Very, very funny. I laughed out loud so many times throughout the movie.

So it's a lot of fun to watch - Mr. T's character steals the screen every single time he speaks - but it's full of utter over-the-top ridiculousness. But in a very PG way, which is refreshing.

T&T really liked this movie; for me, it was just entertainment. I liked Ponyo better. But I'd recommend watching this for the laughs, regardless - it's not an amazing story or movie by any critical standard, but it is damn funny.

Alice in Wonderland: We watched this in IMAX 3D which, I think, made the movie that much more enjoyable. Without those extra effects, I'd probably be even iffier on the movie than I am. To briefly sum up the movie, it is very quintessential Tim Burton - a little psychedelic, walking the edge of dark and crazy with an endearing edge. Johnny Depp and Helena Bonham-Carter are great, doing their best at their best typecast roles. It'd be impossible not to recognize their style. They were excellent and fully immersed in their respective characters. Alan Rickman was delicious - or at least his voice, was.

Somewhat surprisingly, I really enjoyed Anne Hathaway's White Queen - she had a fun, human edge of exasperation to her ethereal, good, fairy-princess role. Whoever wrote that in, I approve of it. I connected with (and liked) her character far better than I did with Alice, whose lines came off a bit rote and recited and the emotion behind the words somewhat lacking.

Story-wise, I did like the fact that it was a sequel of sorts to the original Alice, but there were a lot of tropes that I felt could have been better handled: They came off a little too trite and, rather than transforming the cliché, the movie seemed burdened by them.

But, oh, the costuming and the sets were gorgeous. Oh art. Such lovely visuals made up a lot for the lack of deft storytelling (I kept thinking it would have been better off as a book, but that is always assuming that the author of a book is also writing with a deft touch - something that is not always guaranteed in today's mass publishing...).

I'd still recommend watching it, but in IMAX or 3D or both, if possible. The visual effects are necessary to really enjoy this movie. Plus, Cheshire. Now that's an unforgettable smile.



One day I will actually find the time to sit down and meta on other facets of life. This blogging thing, I am growing more and more abysmal at it...

keeping an eye on the australian open too

dark blue, dark blue
have you ever been alone in a crowded room
well, i'm here with you
i said the world could be burning dark blue

Fannish things I've done recently: read Kimi ni Todoke and watched You're Beautiful. I will not share thoughts on them at this point because they will be long and I will go off on tangents and then it will be late and I will be tired. Perhaps another time.

School things I've done recently: intersession, intersession final, turned my 50-pg Note draft into an 80-pg Note draft and turned that in (still incomplete though, bah). First week of classes has gone fairly well though I've rediscovered the need to breathe coffee (it's really unfortunate) and also, oh stress. I remember what you're like. I also have been eating out too much this week because I haven't yet figured out a proper schedule for getting rides home. Not having a car is going to drive me crazier than ever this semester, I suspect. I see very few people thanks to my schedule. I suppose I am okay with this. I have been feeling antisocial this week but that is likely a product of stress; I need my readjustment period.

My thoughts on The Imaginarium of Dr. Parnassus, briefly: the movie was strange and symbolic and imaginative and weird but...not too bad overall? I'm a bit weirded out by the girl being 16 though. Johnny Depp's scene was definitely my favorite - the ending left a bit to be desired.

My thoughts on Haiti: I wish WashU were doing more to fundraise. Personal donations are great and I encourage that but a collective effort would do so much more - as well as uniting people into a community. I've actually seen people online working with strangers do more than I've seen in the law school. I discussed this a bit with JH - hopefully we can convince SBA to sponsor a fundraiser.

My thoughts on kpop: I will punch you in the face if you talk to me about it unless you are one of a few select people. Off the top of my head, G or J.

My thoughts on food: I had a really good strawberry parfait today. I might have another one tomorrow. I need to eat more fruit, though apparently too much fruit at once makes me feel vaguely ill as well. Or maybe that was just the pineapple? I should get to work on that giant bag of oranges in our fridge... Also, I need to cook more. I can at least make kimchi bokumbap or kimchi jjigae with what we currently have. We need to go grocery shopping this weekend.

There is work to be done! It will get done! For now, I'm going to bed.

some food for thought

What I Don't Like About Avatar, in summary.

Yes, it's a movie about environmentalism and a warning about materialism, but it's also a movie about imperialism and thus race. Whether it was a conscious decision or not, whether it was epic and visually breathtaking or not, movies are carriers of messages both deliberate and subconscious and they deserve the right to be discussed and criticized.

Moreover, why on earth do we assume all aliens have to be human-shaped with the same kind of inherent values? This bothers me a lot - far more than it bothers other people and I'm not sure why. I'll ruminate on that.

This movie rubs me wrong in so many ways, the above link is only just an introduction into why I'm not sure I can bring myself to see it.

Also, this post. Hello, epic plot-hole.


Caveat: Watch it, enjoy it, like it all you want. Be awed by the special effects. But these issues exist whether or not you want to acknowledge them and they affect MY opinion, which you don't have to agree with. Just don't dismiss either the issues or my opinion, yeah?