a rollercoaster of emotions for good and bad and football

The past week has been a mix of emotions for me: a lot of anger and a lot excitement. The anger, frustration, and resignation stemmed from a lot of serious discussions on topics like racism, white privilege, and whether (or how) "intent" factors into that. Yet, despite how frustrating and exhausting it can be to engage with people, I have to say in the end I'm really grateful that I have friends willing to talk about these things with me, even if some of them disagree with me or approach the argument from (what I think is) a somewhat skewed or privileged standpoint. Honestly, I know a lot of people who find it easy to say "how awful!" and then move on without really thinking more of the situation or topic and its implications and how it might affect their life.

That made me wonder: Is it unfair of me to want everyone to engage in these topics? Honestly speaking I was not seriously engaging in these issues until this past half year or so (though of course up 'til then I'd always said, "yes I'm liberal, yes I'm pro-whatever, and so on). But now that I've started caring, I sort of wish everyone else would too. I don't necessarily expect them to and I understand that mindset to an extent, since I was stuck there for so long, but it still saddens me. I feel like a lot of people do care about these issues but don't engage. I don't know how to make people want to engage but...that's probably not something another person can force on them. They have to come to that point in perspective on their own.

A friend said to me: "So many people are already talking about this so eloquently and I don't have much to add/I'm afraid I'll bungle my words/thoughts."

I was in this place for a long time; I'm still kind of there, which is why I link people to what other people say so often. But the more we read, the more we understand and are better to formulate and frame our own words and arguments. So that makes me hopeful that I will slowly become more eloquent. And there is nothing wrong with linking to or quoting other people's words either. :)

Related to this, I was reflecting a while back about how we should confront friends/family about these issues and when it's worth it - it's a balance, definitely. I guess for now the best thing we can do is to go by our gut of what is the right thing to do.

But in more lighthearted news, I have been completely swept up in the fever excitement of the 2010 World Cup. It is a lot of fun to care about something the rest of the world is so excited about too!

Some things to know about me & the World Cup:

#1) Everything I know about football I've learned in the past two weeks, since the WC started. My more knowledgeable friends, wikipedia, and random commentary informs most of what I know.

#2) I will use "football" because that is what it is, dammit, and anyway - all the people flailing with me about it are non-USA friends and they all use that term.

#3) An offshoot of above, I don't feel bad at all that the USA is not my first team because why should I have national loyalty in this sport to a country that can't even use the proper term for it and also refuses to understand what the hell the "pitch" is. /JUDGES FOREVER ): But I do still support USMNT because Capt. America is hot, unf. (This is, uh, sarcastic and I am not seriously judging anyone. Just to clarify.)

#4) I am totally, ridiculously, shamelessly shallow about hot footballers. I am all about the shirtlessness and the jersey-swapping, oh yeah. Maybe weirdly, the five teams (England, Spain, Germany, USA, S. Korea) I whole-heartedly support are not chosen on the basis of good looks alone.

#5) Mocking Cristiano Ronaldo is one of my joys in life.

#6) Steven Gerrard is my ONE TRUE LOVE. Even though England is consistently overrated in the WC and did not impress me with their game against the USA and pissed me off badly in their game against Algeria. Somehow I still love them, though I am saddened that they do not live up to expectations of awesomeness.

#7) I tweet like mad during the games. I have basically watched all the games (granted, the super early ones like the one this morning between Slovakia and Paraguay I only catch the last few minutes of because I don't care that much, but I will unfortunately be up at dawn tomorrow to catch Portugal against North Korea). I find myself hilarious. It is really a lie, though.

I will not go into more detail about individual games because there has been a lot of rage and frustration and dramatic cries of "no, why, why are you breaking my heart!" and also lots of cursing at refs. But I will be going to a pub tomorrow to watch the Spain v. Honduras game and cheering madly for España. Let's just leave it at that and hope Spain does not, again, rompa mi corazón.

I will add, though, that it's sort of nice to just be depressed by shallow things like World Cup games for a change instead of DEPRESSED BY HOW MUCH HUMANITY SUCKS.