Sports:
Federer lost to Tsonga from two sets up! Murray, Nole, and Rafa into the semis at Wimbledon though. I'm sorry for all of the UK who have their hopes pinned on Murray but, dude, I will never pull for him to beat Rafa. At least I can root for Djokovic - knowing he will attain that World No. 1 spot either within a few days or a few weeks. Way to go, Nole. :) You've worked hard and you deserve it. (But my heart first to Rafa, simepre.) Good luck tomorrow!
Bar:
Wills is a mix of all right and terrible. It all makes me want to cry a bit though. Essay and practice MBE next week, and a long holiday weekend during which I will not have much time or heart to review or study. Oh I should though, I should.
Procrastination:
Finished at last my Agatha Christie novel and the first Chrestomanci Chronicles volume - the two books I've been working through very slowly in the past few weeks between bar review and other procrastination. I also have all these movies I have no attention span to watch - maybe I'll finally watch X-Men: First Class or Thor or something when G is here. I could get her to watch STXI with me. We'll see! She gets her tomorrow night and that should be fun. ♥
Oh dear god, it's the last day of June.
Thursday, June 30, 2011
Sunday, June 26, 2011
reading list
Huh. I've inadvertently turned my FB wall into a political statement/bulletin board. I don't know if I ever wanted to be that person - but I don't start fights and pretty much the only people I'm friends with (I trim my FB friends list sporadically) and who visit my wall already agree with me anyway. So, oh well. No regrets.
In the interests of sharing, some articles I found tremendously interesting:
- Paper Tigers: What happens to all the Asian-American overachievers when the test-taking ends?
An older article (May 8) on the limitations of Asian-American "values" and upbringing, as well as the theoretical Bamboo Ceiling. A lot of really interesting points, though not all of which I agreed with. (And I definitely side-eyed the bit about "targeting" women in an effort to teach Asian guys how to have the cojones to hit on women. Um.)
- Why You Should Never Listen to Asian American "Writers" of Angst
A rebuttal/response to the above, presenting the view of an Asian-American who now embraces the self-same values and upbringing decried in the above article. Really, really interesting response, in my opinion! From my point of view, though, I agree with neither 100% and both sides come off a tad defensive of their own values and life circumstances, but that is not in itself a bad thing. It's not about picking a side, for me, but hearing different opinions. As D said, the best part of the article (and subsequent response) is the same as when Amy Chua's Tiger Mothers controversy blew up - it's the fact that Asian-American voices are being heard at all! We're not a uniform bloc of experiences or values or opinions and I think it's both necessary and pretty damn cool when we do (get to, choose to) speak up.
- My Life as an Undocumented Immigrant
A Pulitzer-winning author talks about his American dream as an illegal immigrant. Long but moving and, for me, enlightening. (Thanks for the link, L. ♥)
- Quick Hitters on Illegal Immigration
A response from the same blog as #2, this time to address a lot of misconceptions people have about illegal immigrants in the U.S. A bit tongue-in-cheek, definitely biased, but informative. Plus, he talks about law! It's like I'm studying, right?
In the interests of sharing, some articles I found tremendously interesting:
- Paper Tigers: What happens to all the Asian-American overachievers when the test-taking ends?
An older article (May 8) on the limitations of Asian-American "values" and upbringing, as well as the theoretical Bamboo Ceiling. A lot of really interesting points, though not all of which I agreed with. (And I definitely side-eyed the bit about "targeting" women in an effort to teach Asian guys how to have the cojones to hit on women. Um.)
- Why You Should Never Listen to Asian American "Writers" of Angst
A rebuttal/response to the above, presenting the view of an Asian-American who now embraces the self-same values and upbringing decried in the above article. Really, really interesting response, in my opinion! From my point of view, though, I agree with neither 100% and both sides come off a tad defensive of their own values and life circumstances, but that is not in itself a bad thing. It's not about picking a side, for me, but hearing different opinions. As D said, the best part of the article (and subsequent response) is the same as when Amy Chua's Tiger Mothers controversy blew up - it's the fact that Asian-American voices are being heard at all! We're not a uniform bloc of experiences or values or opinions and I think it's both necessary and pretty damn cool when we do (get to, choose to) speak up.
- My Life as an Undocumented Immigrant
A Pulitzer-winning author talks about his American dream as an illegal immigrant. Long but moving and, for me, enlightening. (Thanks for the link, L. ♥)
- Quick Hitters on Illegal Immigration
A response from the same blog as #2, this time to address a lot of misconceptions people have about illegal immigrants in the U.S. A bit tongue-in-cheek, definitely biased, but informative. Plus, he talks about law! It's like I'm studying, right?
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
PSA: this is a self-involved post
Sometimes I wonder why people are in need of constant validation when we've been told clearly and plainly in the past that we are loved, appreciated, valued, by the same people we are seeking validation from now. It will always be the same words of Why You Matter and Things We Like About You, so why the need for new reassurances?
I realize it's because people are constantly changing, in a state of flux - I look at the past and think, I was a better person then, maybe, so those words of validation then mean nothing now (or not nothing, but feel less applicable) because I'm afraid I am no longer worthy of them. People are always changing - growing, hopefully, and learning - but it's funny to think that, in the end, our fears stay the same. In the end, the core beliefs and acts and personalities that make us fundamentally ourselves also stay the same, which is why the validations remain the same: you're loved, appreciated, valued for who you are.
I will never tire of telling my friends that, though I often end up afraid they are sick of telling me the same. The difference, perhaps, between being needed and being needy: I'd like to be the former but not the latter.
It's always surprising, too, though pleasantly so, to realize you've made an imprint on more people than you knew or expected. I say I try, mostly, just to be friendly, but it's different to realize that that's had a concrete impact.
I feel pretentious and narcissistic now: good note to end on, yes?
I realize it's because people are constantly changing, in a state of flux - I look at the past and think, I was a better person then, maybe, so those words of validation then mean nothing now (or not nothing, but feel less applicable) because I'm afraid I am no longer worthy of them. People are always changing - growing, hopefully, and learning - but it's funny to think that, in the end, our fears stay the same. In the end, the core beliefs and acts and personalities that make us fundamentally ourselves also stay the same, which is why the validations remain the same: you're loved, appreciated, valued for who you are.
I will never tire of telling my friends that, though I often end up afraid they are sick of telling me the same. The difference, perhaps, between being needed and being needy: I'd like to be the former but not the latter.
It's always surprising, too, though pleasantly so, to realize you've made an imprint on more people than you knew or expected. I say I try, mostly, just to be friendly, but it's different to realize that that's had a concrete impact.
I feel pretentious and narcissistic now: good note to end on, yes?
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
只怕那一天有你走了，我会怎么办？
My grandfather passed away in China last night and it has been a while in coming. He was surrounded by most of his family.
我个人心情还算比较平静，只是有一点遗憾没有多认识爷爷奶奶。
可是，老爸，你还好吗？我该说些什么来安慰你呀？只要希望你知道依旧还有我们。
For the most part, I'm carrying on as usual.
Rest in peace, 爷爷。
我个人心情还算比较平静，只是有一点遗憾没有多认识爷爷奶奶。
可是，老爸，你还好吗？我该说些什么来安慰你呀？只要希望你知道依旧还有我们。
For the most part, I'm carrying on as usual.
Rest in peace, 爷爷。
Monday, June 20, 2011
what comes with growing older
This morning, I had to tell my dad that his dad was dying.
My grandpa's been sick for a while - in fact, my dad just returned from China where he was visiting his parents and brothers - but now my grandpa's on his deathbed (I don't know if he's passed yet), and my cousin Skyped me to let me know. He asked that I let my dad know so he could call home. So I called my dad at work.
I was never close with my paternal grandparents, a product of having grown up in a different country and visiting far too infrequently. I feel bad that I never knew them better - but mostly I am upset because my dad is clearly upset (and I have rarely seen him upset this way), because it's his father, because it means one day I'll be in that position and it's terrifying.
My mom lost her father when I was 9, but I don't think I was old enough then to really understand.
My grandpa's been sick for a while - in fact, my dad just returned from China where he was visiting his parents and brothers - but now my grandpa's on his deathbed (I don't know if he's passed yet), and my cousin Skyped me to let me know. He asked that I let my dad know so he could call home. So I called my dad at work.
I was never close with my paternal grandparents, a product of having grown up in a different country and visiting far too infrequently. I feel bad that I never knew them better - but mostly I am upset because my dad is clearly upset (and I have rarely seen him upset this way), because it's his father, because it means one day I'll be in that position and it's terrifying.
My mom lost her father when I was 9, but I don't think I was old enough then to really understand.
Friday, June 17, 2011
hello, miranda
I feel a bit behind in my bar studying - not significantly, but enough to be a little stressed. In reality, I'm probably doing better than a good portion of the other people studying for the bar by staying mostly (mostly) on schedule, but I keep feeling like I need dedicate even more time to it. I am so bad at commitment, even just to studying.
The CrimLaw/CrimPro lectures are much more enjoyable than the Contracts lecture, at least.
I've also been doing a lot of news-reading while in lecture, so. That's been good and bad. I have Opinions on the news - both the actual content and the trend of the media in selecting and presenting that news - but I should probably focus on the lecture and lecture notes at hand.
The CrimLaw/CrimPro lectures are much more enjoyable than the Contracts lecture, at least.
I've also been doing a lot of news-reading while in lecture, so. That's been good and bad. I have Opinions on the news - both the actual content and the trend of the media in selecting and presenting that news - but I should probably focus on the lecture and lecture notes at hand.
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
these defects in your lecture are not latent
You must distinguish "acceptance of the goods" from "acceptance of offer". REALLY?! Because if you're discussing goods, then you already have a contract. That is why my (pause) framework (pause) or methodology (pause) is helpful. OH MY GOD.
OH MY GOD CTRL+SHIFT+G DOESN'T EVEN WORK ANYMORE, FML.
Before I tear my hair out in frustration. Professor K, at this point in my life, I miss you so fucking much.
OH MY GOD CTRL+SHIFT+G DOESN'T EVEN WORK ANYMORE, FML.
Before I tear my hair out in frustration. Professor K, at this point in my life, I miss you so fucking much.
Sunday, June 12, 2011
後悔しない人生
I can't seem to find an exclamation of surprise that doesn't involve curse words or what comes off as insincere triteness - oh dear, heavens, my word, it seems as though I have been playing deftly into the role of self-victimizing Eeyore of late. If "of late" translates into the last twenty years of my life or so.
It doesn't matter if I feel resentful at times, of friends not living up to my (high, oft-silent) expectations; it doesn't matter if I feel like I am no one's best friend, closest confidante. What matters is that I do love the friends I have and I want them in my life and that not being someone's "best friend" doesn't mean they don't want me in their life.
There are many kinds of maturity. I should start subscribing to the kind that demands manifestation through action.
I don't subscribe to tenets of Taoism - it's too anti-intellectualism, for one - but it lays some good foundations. I should stop fighting the flow of the world. I should stop tearing myself up over it. I should stop acting like I'm owed anything beyond what comes to me. If I can't be optimistic, I should at least cease being so willfully pessimistic, and try for peace. Yes, zen is a concept associated more with Buddhism, but I'm not seeking anything beyond what this life offers.
I told my mom once, "生命只有这一个". We only have this one life. She corrected it to "生命只有这一次". We only live this one time. The distinction is, perhaps, subtle. My view saw life as a whole entity, a gift, to be used and not be wasted. Her view saw it was a journey and an experience not to be wasted. To squander it would be a tragedy to yourself in either case, but maybe the question is whether you are living the way you do because you feel obliged (not to waste your life) or because you find it freeing (to live and to learn).
人生无悔。Life without regret. Maybe it doesn't mean you need to do more (spontaneous road trips, dinner parties, love recklessly) or do less (stupid things, drama, having feelings). Maybe it means you just need to stop regretting the things that happen in your life, both good and bad. Maybe, and yes it's trite, they all do happen for a reason - that is, as the composition of what makes your life yours, and unique, and an experience.
生命只有这一次。
Hm. I feel like there's a bit of a disconnect from the beginning of the post to the end. I think I talked myself around from "be less stupid" to "hey, stupidity happens in life, it's okay". There's no harm in trying for both, right?
It doesn't matter if I feel resentful at times, of friends not living up to my (high, oft-silent) expectations; it doesn't matter if I feel like I am no one's best friend, closest confidante. What matters is that I do love the friends I have and I want them in my life and that not being someone's "best friend" doesn't mean they don't want me in their life.
There are many kinds of maturity. I should start subscribing to the kind that demands manifestation through action.
I don't subscribe to tenets of Taoism - it's too anti-intellectualism, for one - but it lays some good foundations. I should stop fighting the flow of the world. I should stop tearing myself up over it. I should stop acting like I'm owed anything beyond what comes to me. If I can't be optimistic, I should at least cease being so willfully pessimistic, and try for peace. Yes, zen is a concept associated more with Buddhism, but I'm not seeking anything beyond what this life offers.
I told my mom once, "生命只有这一个". We only have this one life. She corrected it to "生命只有这一次". We only live this one time. The distinction is, perhaps, subtle. My view saw life as a whole entity, a gift, to be used and not be wasted. Her view saw it was a journey and an experience not to be wasted. To squander it would be a tragedy to yourself in either case, but maybe the question is whether you are living the way you do because you feel obliged (not to waste your life) or because you find it freeing (to live and to learn).
人生无悔。Life without regret. Maybe it doesn't mean you need to do more (spontaneous road trips, dinner parties, love recklessly) or do less (stupid things, drama, having feelings). Maybe it means you just need to stop regretting the things that happen in your life, both good and bad. Maybe, and yes it's trite, they all do happen for a reason - that is, as the composition of what makes your life yours, and unique, and an experience.
生命只有这一次。
Hm. I feel like there's a bit of a disconnect from the beginning of the post to the end. I think I talked myself around from "be less stupid" to "hey, stupidity happens in life, it's okay". There's no harm in trying for both, right?
greatest common factor
Took the day off bar studying and that was - all right. I had a good time at A's Clue party in the evening, but looking back, I think I wish I would've studied. Can you parse that sentence? In any case, there's nothing I can do now - sleep and bar study all day tomorrow, I suppose, though I may need to make a pit stop at the library.
I have a lot of feelings right now and most of them are unpleasant, so I don't think I'll record them here for posterity, because there's venting in private and then there's being hurtfully passive-aggressive in a blog post. One thing I can say, I think, is that I am pretty pissed at people who are willing to sacrifice their friendships for their relationships. I don't mean that you should be placing either one higher on the hierarchy or that sacrifices don't need to made - I understand that things change and it's not a competition. But when you are displacing your friendships entirely, purposefully or not, for your relationship, I think that's bullshit. I don't think I've done that in the past - but then again, maybe there's a reason I'm no longer in those relationships. Maybe I have been doing it wrong all along, for not being more willing to commit more to those relationships. If it turns out that you really do have to sacrifice your friendships for your relationship-- I can't even finish that hypo, it's clearly so wrong.
I suppose if our friendship was so weak as to be so easily and carelessly sacrificed, there wasn't much to it in the first place. Or you just didn't care as much as I did. Either way, I'm sorry.
I'm hurt and I'm angry, and I'm sorry.
I'm not targeting anyone or singling anyone out because the best part is that friends trading me in for their relationships has happened in more than one situation so... They say when you're the greatest common factor in all your failed relationships, the problem is probably with you. Yo.
So it's not you, it's me. That means I get to make a whiny blog post about it, right?
I have a lot of feelings right now and most of them are unpleasant, so I don't think I'll record them here for posterity, because there's venting in private and then there's being hurtfully passive-aggressive in a blog post. One thing I can say, I think, is that I am pretty pissed at people who are willing to sacrifice their friendships for their relationships. I don't mean that you should be placing either one higher on the hierarchy or that sacrifices don't need to made - I understand that things change and it's not a competition. But when you are displacing your friendships entirely, purposefully or not, for your relationship, I think that's bullshit. I don't think I've done that in the past - but then again, maybe there's a reason I'm no longer in those relationships. Maybe I have been doing it wrong all along, for not being more willing to commit more to those relationships. If it turns out that you really do have to sacrifice your friendships for your relationship-- I can't even finish that hypo, it's clearly so wrong.
I suppose if our friendship was so weak as to be so easily and carelessly sacrificed, there wasn't much to it in the first place. Or you just didn't care as much as I did. Either way, I'm sorry.
I'm hurt and I'm angry, and I'm sorry.
I'm not targeting anyone or singling anyone out because the best part is that friends trading me in for their relationships has happened in more than one situation so... They say when you're the greatest common factor in all your failed relationships, the problem is probably with you. Yo.
So it's not you, it's me. That means I get to make a whiny blog post about it, right?
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
sound of distress
Oh bar studying. D: So much D:.
Oh MPT, why. Why. I can't remember the last time I wrote a memo, persuasive or otherwise - even for moot court I was writing briefs and at least I had more than 90 minutes to do so.
The MPT "measures fundamental lawyering skills, namely: legal analysis and reasoning, fact analysis, fact gathering, problem solving, and recognizing and resolving ethical dilemmas".
Whoever said I had these skills lied. Wait, would that be me? No wonder I wouldn't recognize an ethical dilemma if it walked up and offered to buy me a drink.
D:
I could use a drink, though.
Oh MPT, why. Why. I can't remember the last time I wrote a memo, persuasive or otherwise - even for moot court I was writing briefs and at least I had more than 90 minutes to do so.
The MPT "measures fundamental lawyering skills, namely: legal analysis and reasoning, fact analysis, fact gathering, problem solving, and recognizing and resolving ethical dilemmas".
Whoever said I had these skills lied. Wait, would that be me? No wonder I wouldn't recognize an ethical dilemma if it walked up and offered to buy me a drink.
D:
I could use a drink, though.
Sunday, June 5, 2011
with an arm-flap of celebration
Watched USA v. Spain yesterday with J: Let's just say, USA, that your defense was so terrible (read: nonexistent) that even Torres managed to score. That's like a whole new level of failure. Granted, his hair was terrible, so it only made sense that some of his scoring ability has returned.
It was kind of embarrassing for the US, wasn't it? To put it mildly. To be fair, Spain = world champions and the US was missing some top key players (read: Donovan), alongside starting none of their WC squad and using terrified and inexperienced high schoolers instead. Or maybe that's just what it looked like.
Spain's away kits were indeed quite sharp (thanks, commentators, for your "oh god no actual football is being played, what can we talk about aside from the weather and the Barcelona-Madrid rivalry that is surely, surely rending apart the Spanish National Team with dissent from within" commentary) and oh Pepe Villa Silva Sergio Pique Iniesta Busquets Xabiiii Iker-- ♥
Nando, Nando, Nando. What will I do with you? I suppose I will love you in reality but troll your ass because it's fun. Jerk. You've ruined my favorite Liverpool song.
Oh and so much happiness for Li Na being the first Asian woman (and Asian-born-in-Asia) to win a Grand Slam singles title at the French Open today. :D Awesome. Now, however - vamos Rafa!
It was kind of embarrassing for the US, wasn't it? To put it mildly. To be fair, Spain = world champions and the US was missing some top key players (read: Donovan), alongside starting none of their WC squad and using terrified and inexperienced high schoolers instead. Or maybe that's just what it looked like.
Spain's away kits were indeed quite sharp (thanks, commentators, for your "oh god no actual football is being played, what can we talk about aside from the weather and the Barcelona-Madrid rivalry that is surely, surely rending apart the Spanish National Team with dissent from within" commentary) and oh Pepe Villa Silva Sergio Pique Iniesta Busquets Xabiiii Iker-- ♥
Nando, Nando, Nando. What will I do with you? I suppose I will love you in reality but troll your ass because it's fun. Jerk. You've ruined my favorite Liverpool song.
Oh and so much happiness for Li Na being the first Asian woman (and Asian-born-in-Asia) to win a Grand Slam singles title at the French Open today. :D Awesome. Now, however - vamos Rafa!
Thursday, June 2, 2011
hello, sweet june
The good news is that I'm pretty much sticking to my summer schedule. The bad news is that since my schedule pretty much consists of "eat, drive, class, study, drive, eat, study, sleep", it's not like I'm doing much. As class intensity has picked up this week, I've lost most of my time for cooking and reading for fun, to say nothing of exercise, which is always more of a theoretical concept for me. I exercise my mind!
For instance, sometimes lecture is so boring/slow/covering things I already know, I end up copying Chinese lyrics by hand into my notebook in an effort to improve my writing abilities. Today, I also made a list of Chinese songs I can actually sing during karaoke - all of which are almost entirely due to SJM covers. See? SJM totally furthers my education.
What is writing? What is socializing? We'll see if I can have at least one day per weekend to indulge in some of these rumored leisure activities.
For instance, this weekend: French Open final Saturday morning, USA v Spain friendly Saturday afternoon, and at least one of these two will be watched in J's company, hopefully.
I need to find the time to do actual research for AGA too. More hours in a day, I need them. Public library, for god's sake, have longer weekend hours.
Man, I hate long commutes. Rush hour traffic can please go fuck itself.
For instance, sometimes lecture is so boring/slow/covering things I already know, I end up copying Chinese lyrics by hand into my notebook in an effort to improve my writing abilities. Today, I also made a list of Chinese songs I can actually sing during karaoke - all of which are almost entirely due to SJM covers. See? SJM totally furthers my education.
What is writing? What is socializing? We'll see if I can have at least one day per weekend to indulge in some of these rumored leisure activities.
For instance, this weekend: French Open final Saturday morning, USA v Spain friendly Saturday afternoon, and at least one of these two will be watched in J's company, hopefully.
I need to find the time to do actual research for AGA too. More hours in a day, I need them. Public library, for god's sake, have longer weekend hours.
Man, I hate long commutes. Rush hour traffic can please go fuck itself.
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