Mark Salling is from Texas. And, unexpectedly, really into ornithology.
C was right: They do make 'em hotter in Texas. Tall, buff, and ridiculously appealing, or so goes the pattern of TV actors (whose shows I hate) I've crushed on.
In other news, I baked lemon bars last night and I am quite happy with them: they are tart and sweet and buttery. Never substitute margarine for butter when you bake; it's not worth the sacrifice of taste! In any case, if I'm stress baking sweets, we can assume I no longer have "healthy eating" as one of my top concerns.
Next up is raspberry thumbprint cookies, which require even more butter, and those amazing Pillsbury cookies that are seasonally-themed with little pictures on them. They are the plainest things, but they are unbelievably tasty. And easy. I am gaining weight just thinking about them, honestly. This is why I need to live around friends: so I can foist off baked goods on them and not eat everything on my own.
My plan for the night is to do something fun: catch up on last week's episode of Hawaii Five-0, read this Discworld book while plotting to acquire the newest (Snuff, out in 4 days!), or, you know, eat some lemon bars and look at pictures of Mark Salling being hot (all of them) while bemoaning to myself how much I really hate his show (a lot).
Sunday, October 9, 2011
Friday, October 7, 2011
I hate my hair, and other metaphors
"I hate my hair!" I told M.
"...why?"
"It's a metaphor for my life," I said, tongue-in-cheek. "And, well, also I have split ends and need a trim."
The thing is: my hair totally is a metaphor for my life. Let me explain.
It's getting long and straggly; I am getting old and fraying at the edges. Whatever style it used to have, it has grown out of and I have no idea what the hell it's doing now except growing longer; I have no idea what I'm doing with my life but am stumbling forward without a plan all the same because, well, objects in motions tend to stay in motion. My hair is like an object in motion. Metaphorically!
The red from the dye has long faded and is now a dirty, diseased brown color with roots growing out on top. There are three options: 1) let it grow out bi-colored; 2) re-dye the entire thing a color that doesn't make my skin look ridiculously sallow; or 3) re-dye the entire thing black so the roots can grow out in peace and secret.
The issues with options 2 and 3, however, mostly revolve around cost. Dyeing is not generally a cheap venture; even with Asian stylists who don't charge an arm and leg like salons do, it's upward of $60+. (And that was my great St. Louis deal! I miss you, David from Hong Kong. He gave me custom color jobs.)
The metaphor here: the little luxuries in life have to be put on the back-burner when one is jobless and only dreaming of a steady income. Don't spend what you don't have; hell, don't spend what you have, at least not on things you can afford to live without. It's practical, logical, reasonable - and it's depressing, isn't it?
I don't love a lot about my body but my hair came closest to being my vanity. I joked around in high school of doing shampoo commercials when I grew up. I had strong, healthy, shiny, soft hair. I could scrub shampoo through it and make orgasmic noises with the best of them! My future back-up plan was set.
It's superficial (so superficial, I know) but I look at my hair these days and say, only half-joking, "I hate my hair." I wouldn't go so far to say it's painful, but it's certainly disappointing.
I suppose I really mean, I am dissatisfied with something I used to take vain pride in and am frustrated that it was pointless and that there doesn't seem to be any way for me to fix that at the moment.
Like I said: I have split ends and I need a trim.
"...why?"
"It's a metaphor for my life," I said, tongue-in-cheek. "And, well, also I have split ends and need a trim."
The thing is: my hair totally is a metaphor for my life. Let me explain.
It's getting long and straggly; I am getting old and fraying at the edges. Whatever style it used to have, it has grown out of and I have no idea what the hell it's doing now except growing longer; I have no idea what I'm doing with my life but am stumbling forward without a plan all the same because, well, objects in motions tend to stay in motion. My hair is like an object in motion. Metaphorically!
The red from the dye has long faded and is now a dirty, diseased brown color with roots growing out on top. There are three options: 1) let it grow out bi-colored; 2) re-dye the entire thing a color that doesn't make my skin look ridiculously sallow; or 3) re-dye the entire thing black so the roots can grow out in peace and secret.
The issues with options 2 and 3, however, mostly revolve around cost. Dyeing is not generally a cheap venture; even with Asian stylists who don't charge an arm and leg like salons do, it's upward of $60+. (And that was my great St. Louis deal! I miss you, David from Hong Kong. He gave me custom color jobs.)
The metaphor here: the little luxuries in life have to be put on the back-burner when one is jobless and only dreaming of a steady income. Don't spend what you don't have; hell, don't spend what you have, at least not on things you can afford to live without. It's practical, logical, reasonable - and it's depressing, isn't it?
I don't love a lot about my body but my hair came closest to being my vanity. I joked around in high school of doing shampoo commercials when I grew up. I had strong, healthy, shiny, soft hair. I could scrub shampoo through it and make orgasmic noises with the best of them! My future back-up plan was set.
It's superficial (so superficial, I know) but I look at my hair these days and say, only half-joking, "I hate my hair." I wouldn't go so far to say it's painful, but it's certainly disappointing.
I suppose I really mean, I am dissatisfied with something I used to take vain pride in and am frustrated that it was pointless and that there doesn't seem to be any way for me to fix that at the moment.
Like I said: I have split ends and I need a trim.
Sunday, October 2, 2011
I remember you as you were in the last autumn
Last night, I made beef stew from scratch! Well, in all honesty, it was more a hybrid between traditional (Western) beef stew (no tomatoes, though) and (Asian) beef noodle soup. Spicy and delicious! I am pleased, though I still think my mom's version is better. Must learn her secret...
Painted my nails yesterday, too, painstakingly attempting stripes - slow work and painfully difficult with tape. One day I will just acquire the proper tools - brushes and pens and whatnot. For now, I repainted them all blue in Zoya Yummy and they're kind of boring and not particularly autumn-themed, but they will suffice.
Also caught up with this season's HIMYM and H50, which continues to make me lol re: plot. Just--everything. /eyeroll People are still hot, though, so I'm good with watching. Needs more Kono and, oh god, fewer white people though. So many white guest stars, why. I do like the new governor though!
Had dinner Thursday with P & R up in Chapel Hill and that was nice; catching up with people in general is nice, even if as we slowly grow older it becomes less of a "daily contact" thing and more of a "once a month" thing.
Not too many updates on the job-hunting front, but I am seriously looking at apartments in DC now. So there's that. Terrifying in its way, but necessary, I think.
Painted my nails yesterday, too, painstakingly attempting stripes - slow work and painfully difficult with tape. One day I will just acquire the proper tools - brushes and pens and whatnot. For now, I repainted them all blue in Zoya Yummy and they're kind of boring and not particularly autumn-themed, but they will suffice.
Also caught up with this season's HIMYM and H50, which continues to make me lol re: plot. Just--everything. /eyeroll People are still hot, though, so I'm good with watching. Needs more Kono and, oh god, fewer white people though. So many white guest stars, why. I do like the new governor though!
Had dinner Thursday with P & R up in Chapel Hill and that was nice; catching up with people in general is nice, even if as we slowly grow older it becomes less of a "daily contact" thing and more of a "once a month" thing.
Not too many updates on the job-hunting front, but I am seriously looking at apartments in DC now. So there's that. Terrifying in its way, but necessary, I think.
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
I like for you to be still - Pablo Neruda
I like for you to be still: it is as though you were absent,
and you hear me from far away and my voice does not touch you.
It seems as hough your eyes had flown away
and it seems that a kiss had sealed your mouth.
Me gustas cuando callas porque estás como ausente,
y me oyes desde lejos, y mi voz no te toca.
Parece que los ojos se te hubieran volado
y parece que un beso te cerrara la boca.
As all things are filled with my soul
you emerge from the things, filled with my soul.
You are like my soul, a butterfly of dream,
and you are like the word Melancholy.
Como todas las cosas están llenas de mi alma
emerges de las coasas, llena del alma mía.
Mariposa de sueño, te pareces a mi alma,
y te pareces a la palabra melancolía.
I like for you to be still, and you seem far away.
It sounds as though you were lamenting, a butterfly cooing like a dove.
And you hear me from far away, and my vvoice does not reach you:
Let me come to be still in your silence.
Me gustas cuando callas y estás como distante.
Y estás como quejándote, mariposa en arrullo.
Y me oyes desde lejos, y mi voz no te alcanza:
Déjame que me calle con el silencia tuyo.
And let me talk to you with your silence
that is bright as a lamp, simple as a ring.
You are like the night, with its stillness and constellations.
Your silence is that of a star, as remote and candid.
Déjame que te hable también con tu silencio
claro como una lámpara, simple como un anillo.
Eres como la noche, callada y constelada.
Tu silencio es de estrella, tan lejano y sencillo.
I like for you to be still: it is as though you were absent,
distant and full of sorrow as though you had died.
One word then, one smile, is enough.
And I am happy, happy that it's not true.
Me gustas cuando callas poraue estás como ausente
Distante y dolorosa como si hubieras muerto.
Una palabra entonces, una sonrisa bastan.
Y estoy alegre, alegre de que no sea cierto.
and you hear me from far away and my voice does not touch you.
It seems as hough your eyes had flown away
and it seems that a kiss had sealed your mouth.
Me gustas cuando callas porque estás como ausente,
y me oyes desde lejos, y mi voz no te toca.
Parece que los ojos se te hubieran volado
y parece que un beso te cerrara la boca.
As all things are filled with my soul
you emerge from the things, filled with my soul.
You are like my soul, a butterfly of dream,
and you are like the word Melancholy.
Como todas las cosas están llenas de mi alma
emerges de las coasas, llena del alma mía.
Mariposa de sueño, te pareces a mi alma,
y te pareces a la palabra melancolía.
I like for you to be still, and you seem far away.
It sounds as though you were lamenting, a butterfly cooing like a dove.
And you hear me from far away, and my vvoice does not reach you:
Let me come to be still in your silence.
Me gustas cuando callas y estás como distante.
Y estás como quejándote, mariposa en arrullo.
Y me oyes desde lejos, y mi voz no te alcanza:
Déjame que me calle con el silencia tuyo.
And let me talk to you with your silence
that is bright as a lamp, simple as a ring.
You are like the night, with its stillness and constellations.
Your silence is that of a star, as remote and candid.
Déjame que te hable también con tu silencio
claro como una lámpara, simple como un anillo.
Eres como la noche, callada y constelada.
Tu silencio es de estrella, tan lejano y sencillo.
I like for you to be still: it is as though you were absent,
distant and full of sorrow as though you had died.
One word then, one smile, is enough.
And I am happy, happy that it's not true.
Me gustas cuando callas poraue estás como ausente
Distante y dolorosa como si hubieras muerto.
Una palabra entonces, una sonrisa bastan.
Y estoy alegre, alegre de que no sea cierto.
Monday, September 5, 2011
september heralds books, scones, and tv shows
I was sick but now I am mostly better! I still have to face the hard facts though: I am a terrible blogger. These days, I'm too easily distracted by everything. (Perhaps it is early onset Alzheimer's here, because mentally I'm 60 and preparing for my predicted death next year.) (What a terrible joke. Pterry, I'm sorry.)
Speaking of good Sir Pterry, a new Discworld book is due out this October! And it's a mystery-based Vimes book! I am particularly thrilled since I've been rereading Discworld and mysteries lately (Christie & Conan Doyle).
Other things I've done lately is bake! Orange-zested scones and banana nut bread on my own, and contributed to out-of-season zong zi and in-season moon cakes. There are pictures, but I am lazy.
Along with reading and baking, the watching of TV shows: I watched all of this summer's Top Chef Masters but have not yet gotten to Top Chef Desserts. I started watching the Korean variety show Running Man, which is hysterically funny. Strange, but addicting. Wiki gives a brief synopsis of it, but it sounds much weirder and more boring than the actual show is. Of course I started watching it after hearing the hype and because there were idols I was interested in guesting in a few episodes; from there on, though, you really start appreciating the main cast, too. So much!
It's a bit unsettling that it's the first September since, uh, I was five or six that I haven't been in school. Hearing about other people starting classes and returning to the uni schedule is really strange when I continue to sit at home. I wish I could say it felt freeing, but without a job, mostly it feels unanchored and terrifying. I am good with routine, don't you know? I like schedules and lists and things to do. I hate this uncertainty that is my future. I hate that it's another reminder that my RL is here and so far I am sucking at it. I have such big dreams of when I have a job and will be able to live in an apartment again - the cooking and cleaning and decorating I'd do!
...alas, reality intrudes. I'll try not to dwell on it too long though, and just focus on the job hunt. With some time in between for reading and baking and watching shows, of course.
Speaking of good Sir Pterry, a new Discworld book is due out this October! And it's a mystery-based Vimes book! I am particularly thrilled since I've been rereading Discworld and mysteries lately (Christie & Conan Doyle).
Other things I've done lately is bake! Orange-zested scones and banana nut bread on my own, and contributed to out-of-season zong zi and in-season moon cakes. There are pictures, but I am lazy.
Along with reading and baking, the watching of TV shows: I watched all of this summer's Top Chef Masters but have not yet gotten to Top Chef Desserts. I started watching the Korean variety show Running Man, which is hysterically funny. Strange, but addicting. Wiki gives a brief synopsis of it, but it sounds much weirder and more boring than the actual show is. Of course I started watching it after hearing the hype and because there were idols I was interested in guesting in a few episodes; from there on, though, you really start appreciating the main cast, too. So much!
It's a bit unsettling that it's the first September since, uh, I was five or six that I haven't been in school. Hearing about other people starting classes and returning to the uni schedule is really strange when I continue to sit at home. I wish I could say it felt freeing, but without a job, mostly it feels unanchored and terrifying. I am good with routine, don't you know? I like schedules and lists and things to do. I hate this uncertainty that is my future. I hate that it's another reminder that my RL is here and so far I am sucking at it. I have such big dreams of when I have a job and will be able to live in an apartment again - the cooking and cleaning and decorating I'd do!
...alas, reality intrudes. I'll try not to dwell on it too long though, and just focus on the job hunt. With some time in between for reading and baking and watching shows, of course.
Friday, August 5, 2011
adventures in job-hunting
Job-hunting now, post-bar, so I may still not be around much, unless I am trying to escape from the depressing tedium to bemoan the fact that I still feel unqualified for everything.
Sad story from post-bar: while I was in NY, there was an episode of Law and Order or a Lifetime movie or something on TV where a suspect gets questioned in a room by the investigating officers who arrested him. They then step out, mentioning something about the suspect's attorney. Mei's first thought: OH NO, THAT IS SO ILLEGAL, YOU CAN'T QUESTION A SUSPECT WITHOUT HIS COUNSEL PRESENT IF YOU KNOW HE HAS COUNSEL FOR THAT MATTER NOOO. Someone then tried to argue with me about how Miranda rights required explicit invocation now and that mere silence was not enough. I only gave him a Look and thought, layman, you don't think I know that? Because this is not a violation of his Miranda rights, this is a violation of NY's indelible right to counsel, guaranteed by NY's 6th Amendment, which offers even greater protection than the U.S. 5th Amendment. I know because I just took a two-day test on it..
And then I was promptly horrified by myself. Don't be one of those unbearably smug lawyer types, Mei!
Cheers, though. Everyone says the bar exam is the most law you'll ever know - I will now commence slowly (quickly?) forgetting everything!
(1) Jobs that require you to tell them your salary requirements. What. I don't know! However much you want to pay me so I can eke out a living? A million dollars a year? What is a reasonable request, how much does it affect whether they'll give you the job, oh god too much stress.
(2) I've forgotten how to write cover letters. D: It's essentially a talk up of all your skills and experiences to make you sound like the pinnacle of perfection that everyone is desperate to have! ...which sadly does not explain why you are currently jobless, huh. (No, really, I feel so artificial every time I have to embellish my accomplishments with grandiose prose. It's been beat into me to Be Humble. And, anyway, anyone with Asian parents in the U.S. probably grew up hearing about how Everyone Else's Kid Is So Much Better Than You.) So...how crass it to just write HIRE ME HIRE ME HIRE ME I'LL DO ANYTHING and then sign it?
(3) Do you think it makes a significant difference if I apply to DC jobs with a local address or an NC address? The government refuses to pay relocation costs flat-out, so I feel like they shouldn't discriminate based on location. /contemplates
(4) Senator jobs! Republicans offer to pay. Democrats apparently want you to subsist off the glory of serving alone. Now the question becomes: what morals are you not willing to compromise for the sake ofgold, gold, goldan income?
(5) The only legal jobs in Singapore require 2+ years of prior experience. The only legal jobs in Hong Kong are for corporate/funds/banking lawyers. The only legal jobs in China are for Chinese attorneys fluent in Mandarin. There are no legal jobs in Taiwan. Well - fine! I didn't like you either! (Not that I could've honestly expected to get anywhere without guanxi.)
(6) Why doesn't your job site support Chrome?! /grumbles and breaks out the never-used Firefox
(7) There are people who advertise lawyer positions on Craigslist? Like, actual firms? I am seriously eyeing all of them with suspicion. Don't you, like, have a website for that? Or...approximately 100 different job websites?
(8) The eternal Catch-22 question of how do I get a job when every job requires experience and no job wants to hire me and give me some experience?
Sad story from post-bar: while I was in NY, there was an episode of Law and Order or a Lifetime movie or something on TV where a suspect gets questioned in a room by the investigating officers who arrested him. They then step out, mentioning something about the suspect's attorney. Mei's first thought: OH NO, THAT IS SO ILLEGAL, YOU CAN'T QUESTION A SUSPECT WITHOUT HIS COUNSEL PRESENT IF YOU KNOW HE HAS COUNSEL FOR THAT MATTER NOOO. Someone then tried to argue with me about how Miranda rights required explicit invocation now and that mere silence was not enough. I only gave him a Look and thought, layman, you don't think I know that? Because this is not a violation of his Miranda rights, this is a violation of NY's indelible right to counsel, guaranteed by NY's 6th Amendment, which offers even greater protection than the U.S. 5th Amendment. I know because I just took a two-day test on it..
And then I was promptly horrified by myself. Don't be one of those unbearably smug lawyer types, Mei!
Cheers, though. Everyone says the bar exam is the most law you'll ever know - I will now commence slowly (quickly?) forgetting everything!
Thursday, July 28, 2011
welcome to your professional life
Done with the bar exam for better or for worse - at least I don't have to think about it anymore. Flew in to NYC last night - good to see Aunt Joan and Keith, kind of awkward that his kids are in the house too. It's okay; we'll probably mutually ignore each other for the most part. I'm around today but out on Friday and Saturday, and around Sunday, so it shouldn't be too bad.
Pretty much exhausted and don't really feel like talking to people, sadly including my typical go-tos like V and S and L and whatnot. Talked with random bar takers at the test site and at the airport - we commiserated. It's a bonding experience! Talked a bit to M and TT and D, hopefully whom I will all see on Friday, and TC too. May be out late with them Friday, so may not come back to Flushing if I can make it happen somehow. Closer to NJ from Manhattan, right? :/
Ummm, no, I really have nothing more to say. Terribly unmotivated. Once I get home, I'll begin the job-hunting and AGA research; right now I just feel tired and like I'm still waiting for my life to wake up and start.
The family friends I stayed with in Buffalo had a daughter named Leila, not quite two yet, who is positively adorable. A complete sweetheart. I've forgotten how much I've missed young kids and spending time with them. She's half and really pretty. Keith and Joan have a dog, Dominio, and two cats, Hope and Love. Love is a kitten still - tiny. They're pretty sweet too and good-natured. Not prone to temper or hyperactiveness. It' a good change from home; I needed a break from the norm.
Hopefully the day out with people tomorrow is good, and the day out with S too. I've missed seeing people.
Pretty much exhausted and don't really feel like talking to people, sadly including my typical go-tos like V and S and L and whatnot. Talked with random bar takers at the test site and at the airport - we commiserated. It's a bonding experience! Talked a bit to M and TT and D, hopefully whom I will all see on Friday, and TC too. May be out late with them Friday, so may not come back to Flushing if I can make it happen somehow. Closer to NJ from Manhattan, right? :/
Ummm, no, I really have nothing more to say. Terribly unmotivated. Once I get home, I'll begin the job-hunting and AGA research; right now I just feel tired and like I'm still waiting for my life to wake up and start.
The family friends I stayed with in Buffalo had a daughter named Leila, not quite two yet, who is positively adorable. A complete sweetheart. I've forgotten how much I've missed young kids and spending time with them. She's half and really pretty. Keith and Joan have a dog, Dominio, and two cats, Hope and Love. Love is a kitten still - tiny. They're pretty sweet too and good-natured. Not prone to temper or hyperactiveness. It' a good change from home; I needed a break from the norm.
Hopefully the day out with people tomorrow is good, and the day out with S too. I've missed seeing people.
Sunday, July 10, 2011
海浪
I shudder when I look through archives of my old blogs and see the way I used to be so - young, I suppose, back in the day. Maybe I shouldn't blame myself for that, but it makes me wonder if I'll look back at how I am now in a few years and shudder still.
Apparently July is a tough month for me, generally speaking, over the years. This year, I'm worried my ~depression~ will interfere with my bar review - mostly in that it strips away the time I need to study with periods of listlessness/hopelessness/pointlessness. And other -esses.
Friendships always fuck me up more than any other type of relationship. Perhaps it is a sign I am not committed enough to those other relationships, or a sign that I am not yet ready for them. Somehow, I am not shocked. Sometimes (more often now) I wonder whether I even want that kind of relationship. What do I want? Ah, the essential question.
In happier news, I made garlic fried rice this morning and breakfast sausages. Cooking, like cleaning, makes me feel much more productive than studying ever will, since you reap the benefits of instant and visible results. Unfortunately, cooking and cleaning will probably not help me pass the bar...
Apparently July is a tough month for me, generally speaking, over the years. This year, I'm worried my ~depression~ will interfere with my bar review - mostly in that it strips away the time I need to study with periods of listlessness/hopelessness/pointlessness. And other -esses.
Friendships always fuck me up more than any other type of relationship. Perhaps it is a sign I am not committed enough to those other relationships, or a sign that I am not yet ready for them. Somehow, I am not shocked. Sometimes (more often now) I wonder whether I even want that kind of relationship. What do I want? Ah, the essential question.
In happier news, I made garlic fried rice this morning and breakfast sausages. Cooking, like cleaning, makes me feel much more productive than studying ever will, since you reap the benefits of instant and visible results. Unfortunately, cooking and cleaning will probably not help me pass the bar...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)