The Last Airbender: a fucking disgrace.

When you choose to pay to see The Last Airbender, you are paying to support institutionalized racism. If you don't get why, ask me. If you're going to see it anyway, knowing why it's problematic, you are effectively telling me that my experiences - my feelings and stories and LIFE - as a minority are secondary to your 2 hours of whitewashed entertainment.



And now for the emotional response:

I wish people were not so fucking ignorant and lazy and would take the time to educate themselves when they see that someone is really upset about something and maybe think, hey, I should check out why they're so upset not just be like "lol why are you upset, PLEASE EXPLAIN THINGS TO ME BC I AM NOT MOTIVATED ENOUGH TO LEARN ON MY OWN". And I know I'm just angry & hurt right now, I know that if we want to really educate people on WHY SOME SHIT SUCKS we really (unfairly) have to do that reaching out, but right now I am just so fucking tired of it, tired of people wallowing lazily in their own privilege and ignorance and not taking the initiative to maybe learn some shit on their own. TLA is seriously affecting me more than I thought it would. At first it was just a cause, a signal boost, to get people aware of the problems and how not okay it was, but somehow now it's personal and hearing people's arguments defending it and accusing people who care of reverse racism and being too sensitive and dismissing our feelings & experiences & EVERYTHING - now it just hurts. I'm not just angry, I am fucking personally hurt. /over-emotional, possibly teary right now, fuck.

I sort of expect to be disappointed by everyone in the world right now, including people I AM close with. Just, fuck, it still hurts. It's personal. It's them essentially saying "I don't care about YOU", I don't think your opinions are valid, I am not going to listen to what you say because I like my ignorance or my privilege just fine.

In fact, I just got an email from some friends I was making plans to see Twilight/Eclipse with (drunkenly to mock) and they said, "Sorry to change the subject but I'll be watching TLA this weekend, if any of you want to join" and I sort of am this close to tears right now. Fuck. They're so so informed on gay rights/feminist issues, some of them ARE PoC, I can't believe they haven't heard the crap about this movie. I can't believe it. I emailed them back with links and basically begging them to not go see it but, dear God, I can't deal with this. How are people so willingly to be blind to these things? I am so upset; this is so fucking personal, and I DARE anyone to tell me not to care or not care so much or that it's not a big deal. I can't deal with this right now.

champagne apocalypse: oh god k i'm still worked up about tla right now
champagne apocalypse: angry/hurt slkghfj i don't even want to talk to people rn bc i know i wouldn't be rational
champagne apocalypse: i'd just be like SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP also FUCK YOU
champagne apocalypse: aslgdkh & that's not exactly productive
champagne apocalypse: this REALLY brings home to me how shitty the tone argument is though
champagne apocalypse: basically saying i'm not going to listen to you can't be polite & rational about it. WELL FUCK YOU this is personal, this hurts, this makes me angry and upset and emotional. thanks for trivializing that and saying i should just get over it if i want to convince you that my opinions & feelings are legitimate.

Eating lunch, taking a nap, I don't even fucking know. Don't talk to me.

don't make me promises; baby you never did know how to keep them well

My entire life is the WC right now. Well, no, not really. But it's the only part I want to talk about right now because if I focus on the other bits, I will just be depressed. Already feeling extremely "meh" physically and mentally and emotionally recently; my appetite has been fucked over and...other things. Whatever. Let's not dwell on the depressing things right now.

Ironically, of course, the first thing that I want to talk about is England's 4-1 loss to Germany.

I can't even be heartbroken because I'm too pissed. The England NT is shit and played like shit. Germany was amazing and I love them. Not only are they cute, they were also incredibly clinical and efficient, so unselfish in their playing - they passed so well and they worked together as a team. Podolski, you are so adorable. :D Özil, Schweinsteiger, Klose, Müller, Neuer, oh man - what an incredible goalkeeper. Even if you did con the ref and admit to it later. Regardless, mad props all around for Germany. They are now #2 team in my heart, right after Spain. I don't know their chances against Argentina but I am cheering for them!

Though, to be fair, the score should have been 4-2. England's second goal was clearly a goal and having it disallowed was pure crap. I still have a lot of pent-up rage about that (fucking ref, fucking FIFA) but I can't say that would have changed the outcome of the game considering how England was playing. (Really awfully.)

Always excepted from my yelling about England is Stevie G. Stevie, I'm sorry your NT sucked but I love you forever and always. ♥ He is so much class, you guys:

“If you look at the game as a whole we’ve been beaten by the better team. Had Frank’s goal counted it could have been a turning point in the game, but we can’t use that as an excuse. They’ve scored four goals and we only got one, which tells its own story.

“We made too many mistakes as a team. Germany were more organised than us and were more clinical. They got in five or six times and scored four goals so you’ve got to give them credit.”

I'm keeping up with the other matches, of course, but nothing will stress me except Spain now. They play Portugal tomorrow and I am already nerve-wracked. I am also hungry so I'm probably going to look into food instead of languishing here with further thoughts about the World Cup. I feel like I keep repeating myself anyway; there's nothing new to report! Or I am just too lazy, which is always a valid possibility.

celebres con el equipo de fútbol español~

Ahh football! There is so much I want to talk about but I guess I shouldn't constantly spam, right? But the Italy v. New Zealand game yesterday! The Brazil v. Côte D'Ivoire game! The fact that Kaká was red-carded - unbelievable. And while part of me enjoyed that (the part that likes drama, especially with teams that are not mine), I have to say: he elbowed the CIV guy in the chest, and the CIV player went down clutching his face. Ehhh. But I'll take it as trade-off for the second goal which was an unbelievably blatant double handball, fuck that shit. What was up with that ref?

Anyway, I was watching the Brazil game in a café with wireless but broken A/C. So the HDTV was nice and a ton of people had their laptops out, which amused me, but it was so disgustingly sweaty and hot. I watched Spain's game today in a pub with A/C, which was infinitely better. I had a work meeting at 11 that I carefully scheduled around the Spain game, haha. I have priorities, can't you tell?

I was so nervous about the Spain v. Honduras game because I always get anxious about my favorites; they managed to pull off the win they needed, which makes me happy! But they really should have scored more (Villa should have definitely not missed that penalty kick, for instance - and he'd have gotten a hat trick too, oh Dahveed). The goal differential is going to be important come the round 3 games; Spain you'll need to defeat Chile and with a good number of goals just to be on the safe side. Switzerland and Honduras - couldn't you tie at 0-0? That would be super, thanks.

In other sports news, Federer almost lost today to an unranked player, dropping the first two sets and winning the fourth set by the skin of his teeth. I'm not going to lie, I laughed. He will never be my favorite, sorry. Roddick did fine, of course, and Nole...had to go to five sets but also pulled off a win. Man. "Latest Wimbledon match of all time", they say: it ended at 11:41pm. I guess Wimbledon likes to end early... Anyway, as always, my heart is for Rafa. :) ¡Vamos Rafa!

And ¡viva España! Happy day~

In non-sports news, I saw Toy Story 3 Friday night and I definitely recommend it. I did not go in expecting to like it considering I was tired of the Toy Story franchise after the first movie, but Pixar managed to not disappoint. They surprised me, in a good way. :) The movie is really touching and sad at bits, but also really, really funny. There is a lot of action/drama that is melodramatic but the movie never takes itself seriously, so it's all in fun. We watched it in a full theater with families and kids, so there was a lot of group laughter and applause, which added to the experience, I think. I'd go see it again, frankly speaking.

The short at the beginning was also incredibly charming and possibly one of my favorites. I do think they got a little heavy-handed with the message (via the radio) when they could've been more subtle...but I guess subtle goes over a lot of people's heads... Anyway! Yes. The entire movie is recommended.

Other movies I am excited about: Despicable Me, Eclipse (I have no shame; I will totally watch and mock), and Tangled! The preview for that was really cute. Disney's take on Rapunzel, with a twist? I am intrigued. Can't think of anything else atm except, oh yes, PLEASE DO NOT PAY MONEY TO WATCH THE LAST AIRBENDER. If you have to ask why...

This is why.

Last round of games for group stages kick off tomorrow! Estoy muy emocionado.

a rollercoaster of emotions for good and bad and football

The past week has been a mix of emotions for me: a lot of anger and a lot excitement. The anger, frustration, and resignation stemmed from a lot of serious discussions on topics like racism, white privilege, and whether (or how) "intent" factors into that. Yet, despite how frustrating and exhausting it can be to engage with people, I have to say in the end I'm really grateful that I have friends willing to talk about these things with me, even if some of them disagree with me or approach the argument from (what I think is) a somewhat skewed or privileged standpoint. Honestly, I know a lot of people who find it easy to say "how awful!" and then move on without really thinking more of the situation or topic and its implications and how it might affect their life.

That made me wonder: Is it unfair of me to want everyone to engage in these topics? Honestly speaking I was not seriously engaging in these issues until this past half year or so (though of course up 'til then I'd always said, "yes I'm liberal, yes I'm pro-whatever, and so on). But now that I've started caring, I sort of wish everyone else would too. I don't necessarily expect them to and I understand that mindset to an extent, since I was stuck there for so long, but it still saddens me. I feel like a lot of people do care about these issues but don't engage. I don't know how to make people want to engage but...that's probably not something another person can force on them. They have to come to that point in perspective on their own.

A friend said to me: "So many people are already talking about this so eloquently and I don't have much to add/I'm afraid I'll bungle my words/thoughts."

I was in this place for a long time; I'm still kind of there, which is why I link people to what other people say so often. But the more we read, the more we understand and are better to formulate and frame our own words and arguments. So that makes me hopeful that I will slowly become more eloquent. And there is nothing wrong with linking to or quoting other people's words either. :)

Related to this, I was reflecting a while back about how we should confront friends/family about these issues and when it's worth it - it's a balance, definitely. I guess for now the best thing we can do is to go by our gut of what is the right thing to do.

But in more lighthearted news, I have been completely swept up in the fever excitement of the 2010 World Cup. It is a lot of fun to care about something the rest of the world is so excited about too!

Some things to know about me & the World Cup:

#1) Everything I know about football I've learned in the past two weeks, since the WC started. My more knowledgeable friends, wikipedia, and random commentary informs most of what I know.

#2) I will use "football" because that is what it is, dammit, and anyway - all the people flailing with me about it are non-USA friends and they all use that term.

#3) An offshoot of above, I don't feel bad at all that the USA is not my first team because why should I have national loyalty in this sport to a country that can't even use the proper term for it and also refuses to understand what the hell the "pitch" is. /JUDGES FOREVER ): But I do still support USMNT because Capt. America is hot, unf. (This is, uh, sarcastic and I am not seriously judging anyone. Just to clarify.)

#4) I am totally, ridiculously, shamelessly shallow about hot footballers. I am all about the shirtlessness and the jersey-swapping, oh yeah. Maybe weirdly, the five teams (England, Spain, Germany, USA, S. Korea) I whole-heartedly support are not chosen on the basis of good looks alone.

#5) Mocking Cristiano Ronaldo is one of my joys in life.

#6) Steven Gerrard is my ONE TRUE LOVE. Even though England is consistently overrated in the WC and did not impress me with their game against the USA and pissed me off badly in their game against Algeria. Somehow I still love them, though I am saddened that they do not live up to expectations of awesomeness.

#7) I tweet like mad during the games. I have basically watched all the games (granted, the super early ones like the one this morning between Slovakia and Paraguay I only catch the last few minutes of because I don't care that much, but I will unfortunately be up at dawn tomorrow to catch Portugal against North Korea). I find myself hilarious. It is really a lie, though.

I will not go into more detail about individual games because there has been a lot of rage and frustration and dramatic cries of "no, why, why are you breaking my heart!" and also lots of cursing at refs. But I will be going to a pub tomorrow to watch the Spain v. Honduras game and cheering madly for España. Let's just leave it at that and hope Spain does not, again, rompa mi corazón.

I will add, though, that it's sort of nice to just be depressed by shallow things like World Cup games for a change instead of DEPRESSED BY HOW MUCH HUMANITY SUCKS.

will I sweat and bleed for you? I will.

I've been dealing with a lot of heavy-hitting topics in the past couple days: rape (and inherent misogyny), exploitation of race, racism... (I may go into these in slightly more detail in a future post.) I should be glad that dialogue has been had and that learning has been done and that privilege is being examined. I am glad. As painful and difficult as these issues can be, they merit my (and others') care and attention; they merit the time and effort it takes to explain to others why what was said or done was offensive or problematic. As I've told people: in a selfish way, I'm glad I care about these things because they make me feel like less shitty of a person. They make me feel that I am still capable of caring. I don't ever want to be so selfish as to want to close my eyes and ears to everything and stop caring, however much I may postulate it sometimes.



But all that aside, caring is still exhausting. I knew that going in and I think it's worth it but— But I'm just really tired right now.

a meandering tale of summer

Argh, job-hunting woes. All I'm looking for is some part-time summer/fall work, please! Any income would be great at this point. CB&W may hire for the fall ugh. Borders, call me back right now! Maybe B&N is hiring too?

In other news, there is no real news. I am torn between missing people and thinking I should reach out more via phone calls and feeling incredibly introverted and prone to isolation. I'm pretty sure the latter is not really the healthiest of choices, especially in light needing to maintain friendships, but it is so much easier! Why do I always try for the path of least resistance? I know better. I also know I feel much happier/more satisfied/more accomplished when I have worked against the path of least resistance and have actually accomplished something. Still.

I have again lapsed into losing the creative urges, so my word count so far this year is abysmally low. Such is the theme of this summer, I suspect, much unlike last summer. I feel pretty blasé about that - which probably concerns me more than the low word count or lack of writing. Shouldn't I be more upset that I'm not feeling the drive to write that I used? I remember being so unhappy whenever I couldn't write before. Now I sort of just shrug and dismiss it and continue reading/living/whatever.

Some random thoughts on:

Food
I have a love affair with milk tea, man. Not even bubble tea (unless it's the freshly made authentic/homemad kind), but milk tea itself. It would surpass my love of coffee if only it kept me ramped up like coffee does but, well, coffee's effect is probably mostly in my head but, my, those are some mighty powerful effects. This reminds me that I need to just suck it up and go buy a coffeemaker tomorrow.

(In related news, I was thrilled by the Top Chef Masters finale tonight. I think I enjoy it more than regular Top Chef for a number of reasons that I am too lazy to list out at the moment.)

Kpop
My thoughts on kpop are this: apparently SS3 is running from August to next April. I'm in Singapore next spring (Jan-May) and if they happen to have a tour date in Singapore or Malaysia during that time, I will go. Otherwise, whatever. I'm pretty disappointed that the Wonder Girls/2AM concert in St. Louis was cancelled though. Sunye!

Life in general
I keep feeling vaguely stressed (or dissatisfied?) by life and I'm not entirely sure why: maybe it's the lack of job. Maybe it's just this humming under my skin about not feeling productive enough. Let's face the facts: a lifetime of pushing hard and being told to push harder to meet expectations, that you're not meeting your potential, and that you can always (and should always) do better - it's hard to know what it means to "relax". A little part of you's always going to be whispering: hey, do you know all the things you could be doing with this time instead, you procrastinating slacker? Even if another part of you argues that, dude, there's only one life and you need to experience so many aspects of it to truly know what living's like.

/end philosophical meandering into the psyche

where do your draw your lines in the sand?

Query: What constitutes being a good friend? Supporting them no matter what happens, because friendships mean you always know whose back you've got - or calling a friend out on their stupidity and potentially hurtful behavior, whether hurtful to them or to others?

I'd like to think it's the latter, as long as that calling out is still done with love and support. Sometimes that ends up in having to walk away from the friendship though, after repeated failed attempts, and that's kind of a terrifying thought. How far do you push? How many second or third chances do you give? How do you decide when enough is enough?

On the flip side, there are so many people who seem to opt for the first choice because there is less confrontation involved. Is that really the healthiest manifestation of friendship? Some people seem to think so, and take that blind leap of faith to support and defend a friend without examining the situation in further detail. Is that what friendship means, that you're not supposed to be objective or impartial? You should be biased towards your loved ones. But to what extent? Surely not to the point where you're encouraging harmful behavior.

There is so much gray area and undefined lines in our world of relationships.

The real bitch of the irony is this: I can be objective when it comes to my friends, but hell if I can apply the same standards to family. Family is something I am stupidly blind and defensive over and even if I can acknowledge their faults, no one else is allowed the same privilege of criticism.


In other news, I am discovering (belatedly) the music of McFly, am slowly making my way through my books, and am thinking about which movies deserve to be rewatched. Ocean's 11 is always fair game!