you should know that i don't always hate the world

Every few months, at least once or twice a year, I remember.

(What? The important things in life.)

--

"Do you want food?" he asks. "Or just coffee?"

"Whatever's fine," I say. "I already ate breakfast with my roommates."

He glances at me before returning his gaze to the road. "You do a lot of things with your roommates."

"Well," I say, and I'm laughing a little, teasing a little, "isn't it normal? I do live with them in the same apartment. Occasionally we're there the same time and, you know, eat together."

It's a silly example, maybe, but it reflects a lot of why I feel so blessed today. (Do I mean "lucky"? "Grateful"?) I did have breakfast with my roommates, and I had coffee and a long conversation with T. I saw other people for a bit and talked to other people on the phone. I have a great group of friends who make me happy, and I think I should appreciate that more.

I love people and I miss people, but, you know. Let me be sappy. I have a lot of people in my life, people I've met in person, people I haven't, people I've talked to over the phone, people I've shared experiences with - these people make up my life, and they make me so happy. They care for me and I'm so lucky in that regard. Even when I complain, or when I'm unhappy, sad or angry or moody, I love people.

I love to try to give advice, or to receive advice, or just to be silly or talk about kidnapping fat Korean babies. I love catching up with people or complaining about things with people, or laughing at retarded things on Youtube with people. I love fangirling with people, or reminiscing, or just being there together as we die over Property or Contracts. I love eating and talking with people, caring, knowing they care, listening, trying, being.

I want to reach out more, because there are still more people I care about and want to gather back, to enfold in some sort of embrace of hey, I care about you, no matter how long it's been. I want to make a difference in your life, however little, because you've all made an impact on my life.

You make me happy. This world makes me happy. I should try to remember that.

Cold weather, fall leaves, blue sky, warm blankets. Hot coffee, green tea, freshly-cooked Chinese food. Vitamin water with pomegranate, K's voice, getting all my work done ahead of time. Phone calls and text messages and facebook chat and MSN and letters and emails and every way I can reach out to you. I love it.

I love you. Thanks.

I just need you to know this. I appreciate you. Knowing you makes me happy.