I could take this time to complain about law school again, and how I feel completely unprepared for my exams, but why reiterate the same old same old? I should take on a more positive, proactive attitude. I can handle this. I will take my exams and do well on them.
Or just, you know, get the median. Whatever. At this point, it's hard to keep upbeat and hopeful about the entire ordeal. At this point, I just want a job.
The hardest thing is that my parents will only ever see and care about the grades. It will always be about rank.
I'm trying to do Christmas cards to cheerful (sometimes Christmas) music in an effort to keep my spirits up, but I'm not entirely sure it's working. I'm not sure when the holidays have lost their spark for me this year. I blame law school, honestly; it's sapped me of joy, creativity, energy, etc.
It would have been better to have been a science major coming into law school. They're better at step-by-step logical analysis and have the advantage in the IP field. Sometimes I feel like everything I've done in my life is pretty much worthless.
Oh wait, there I go, being negative and pessimistic again...
I have to keep fighting. Keep trying. A part of me knows I can do this. I can take my exams and pass them, get a job for the summer, come back for another 2.5 semesters, get a secure job. I know I can. I will have a future.
But it wars with the other part of me that says not good enough and points out how much easier it would be to just give up.
I won't give in though. It has less to do with my strength or my courage or my determination, perseverance, or ability to overcome obstacles.
When it comes down to it, I keep going because I'm too afraid to stop and to fail. To have nothing and be nothing.
So let's keep fighting.
Didn't I used to have more cheerful entries? It's hard to tell at this point.
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