S is getting married. It seems like so long ago that I've seen him, that he's been an active, integral part of my life. I'm so happy for him. I'm fond, too, and nostalgic. I remember the way he used to be, and the way I used to be. It seems like so much has changed.
Sometimes it feels like the world is moving on and leaving me behind. Or sometimes it feels like the world is changing constantly and I'm swept up in it, breathless, not quite sure where I am (who I am) or what to do.
There are times I really wish I were older - not in terms of calendar years, necessarily, just wiser and more mature. I wish I knew better what I wanted and how to go after it. I wish confidence, assurance, certainty, responsibility, capability for myself. It's hard to be satisfied with who I am, because there is always room for improvement and for growth.
I feel painfully young sometimes. L is right: I still have a lot to experience, a lot to learn, a lot to discover out of life.
On a different note, I went shopping and found good deals on cute clothes. And this may make me a girl, but it makes me happy.
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