Oh. I'm depressed.

keeping an eye on the australian open too

dark blue, dark blue
have you ever been alone in a crowded room
well, i'm here with you
i said the world could be burning dark blue

Fannish things I've done recently: read Kimi ni Todoke and watched You're Beautiful. I will not share thoughts on them at this point because they will be long and I will go off on tangents and then it will be late and I will be tired. Perhaps another time.

School things I've done recently: intersession, intersession final, turned my 50-pg Note draft into an 80-pg Note draft and turned that in (still incomplete though, bah). First week of classes has gone fairly well though I've rediscovered the need to breathe coffee (it's really unfortunate) and also, oh stress. I remember what you're like. I also have been eating out too much this week because I haven't yet figured out a proper schedule for getting rides home. Not having a car is going to drive me crazier than ever this semester, I suspect. I see very few people thanks to my schedule. I suppose I am okay with this. I have been feeling antisocial this week but that is likely a product of stress; I need my readjustment period.

My thoughts on The Imaginarium of Dr. Parnassus, briefly: the movie was strange and symbolic and imaginative and weird but...not too bad overall? I'm a bit weirded out by the girl being 16 though. Johnny Depp's scene was definitely my favorite - the ending left a bit to be desired.

My thoughts on Haiti: I wish WashU were doing more to fundraise. Personal donations are great and I encourage that but a collective effort would do so much more - as well as uniting people into a community. I've actually seen people online working with strangers do more than I've seen in the law school. I discussed this a bit with JH - hopefully we can convince SBA to sponsor a fundraiser.

My thoughts on kpop: I will punch you in the face if you talk to me about it unless you are one of a few select people. Off the top of my head, G or J.

My thoughts on food: I had a really good strawberry parfait today. I might have another one tomorrow. I need to eat more fruit, though apparently too much fruit at once makes me feel vaguely ill as well. Or maybe that was just the pineapple? I should get to work on that giant bag of oranges in our fridge... Also, I need to cook more. I can at least make kimchi bokumbap or kimchi jjigae with what we currently have. We need to go grocery shopping this weekend.

There is work to be done! It will get done! For now, I'm going to bed.

掌声鼓励鼓励!

三个星期这么快就过了... 像一杂眼就不见了，突然发现自己回到了学校准备又开学了。会想念这几个星期，不过没办法，只能面对未来的等待明天 。（明天会来的太快。）准备好了吗？ ...준비 됐나요!

Arrived at the airport at 4:55 today, checked in and made it to security by 5, and was through by 5:05. I was pretty darn impressed by how fast everything went today - no traffic in front of the terminal, no lines inside the terminal. I guess early evening this Saturday was not a busy flying day because, uh, there was no one there. My tiny American Eagle plane which can seat about 40 people held 10. Yeah. 10. Part of me is despairing at the inefficient use of resources but the larger part of me is just grateful because it meant the ride went quickly and smoothly; boarding and deplaning went quickly; and no wait for the bathroom, ever! :D

Less fun experiences of the ride included: managing to walk out of security without my ID. In my defense, I was seriously coffee deprived. Thankfully, the girl after me chased me down to tell me about it and I fetched my ID right as they were paging me over the intercom. Ahh, irony of ironies - I was at Starbucks trying to pick up a coffee when the girl got a hold of me. After I retrieved my ID (NC driver's license that I really should update - it says I'm under 21 on my picture [though my birthday is correct so it still works as a valid ID] and, more importantly, has my old NC address on it. I figure it doesn't matter that much since it's not like I drive in MO... I'll renew it someday. Probably right before its expiration on my 25th birthday), I picked up my vanilla latte and found, to my dismay, that they seemed to have forgotten to put in the vanilla part... Ah, espresso with a lot of foamy milk, you are not exactly my favorite drink. It wasn't worth complaining about though because mostly I needed the caffeine and it served that purpose.

Also not quite fun was walking out of the plane and being able to see my breath. Oh, St. Louis, you are bitterly cold and snow-covered. I could tell that from the sky, somewhat to my dismay, as we were landing. Seeing the city spread out in twinkling lights was really nice though - picturesque. I was running through various descriptions and lines in my head on the plane (and was mildly attacked by some plot bunnies, but they've been since succinctly dismissed), but didn't settle on anything in the end. It was nice just to look.

L picked me up from the airport and we chatted a bit on the way back. Apartment so far is nice and just as I remember it - cranking up the heat, drinking hot green tea, and blogging for a bit. I'll probably settle down to organize my picture files until T gets back (around 11) and then some catch-up, and then sleep. Let me detail my life schedule for you; I'm sure you find it fascinating!

미치곘어나

S posted some thoughts on Avatar that make me :D a bit because she sums up in very precise words a lot of why this movie bothers me - and it helps that she's seen it? My dislike for the film is based off what I know it's about, but perhaps her words will have more weight considering she sat through all 2.5 hours of it. I'm not sure I can link or quote her without her permission so wait a bit on that. In summary, however, the movie shouldn't have tried to have a plot - and if it really was going to go the plot route, it failed spectacularly on a literary level (and not just on the sociological/race issues as I mentioned previously).

In different news, I am somewhat depressed by the fact that I have to go back to St. Louis so soon. I should call up V to see if we're still on for dinner tomorrow night... The weather here has been sunny though cold (but 30s aren't so bad); St. Louis is frigid and in the teens this week. :( Boo. But next week is supposed to go back up to the 30s. Winter, I'm not cut out for it.

I will regret not having been more productive over break, I know it, but part of me wants this last fling anyway. I'm also looking forward to being knee-deep in busyness again too, actually; stress is not my favorite thing but it seems to motivate me to be more productive. And what's law school without some complaining, right?

Not a long update because I need to drive my brother to his kung-fu lesson in about five minutes. I'll bring a book and do some reading.

Mei out for now. Emails and more contemplation/meta (too much meta for my own good) later.

don't let my champagne spill on you

Happy 2010! I've been remiss in posting since break started but I guess I haven't had much to say.

Made an appointment for my eye exam! :D I won't have to go blind without contacts come the end of January, hurray! I have also made a list of the internships I want to apply to and their deadlines - the earliest is at the end of February so, uh, I have some time to draft a letter of interest. Not much to do about my résumé - I updated it before finals and not much has changed, lol. It's not like it'll suddenly reflect any publishing experience, anyway, just law stuff.

Also did some emailing about APALSA stuff and setting up our spring semester's budget meeting, so there was some productivity... I've narrowed down my study abroad choices to Singapore and Korea and I bought textbooks yesterday... My life is not terribly exciting, but when is it ever? Christmas was low-key but all right; New Year's was more lively and a lot of fun. Sherlock Holmes was fantastic.

I guess tomorrow I should start going over and editing/expanding my Note, sigh. I really don't want to. Everything inside me protests. Maybe I'll read a book or some manga instead. :|

/puts on some David Tao :D

some food for thought

What I Don't Like About Avatar, in summary.

Yes, it's a movie about environmentalism and a warning about materialism, but it's also a movie about imperialism and thus race. Whether it was a conscious decision or not, whether it was epic and visually breathtaking or not, movies are carriers of messages both deliberate and subconscious and they deserve the right to be discussed and criticized.

Moreover, why on earth do we assume all aliens have to be human-shaped with the same kind of inherent values? This bothers me a lot - far more than it bothers other people and I'm not sure why. I'll ruminate on that.

This movie rubs me wrong in so many ways, the above link is only just an introduction into why I'm not sure I can bring myself to see it.

Also, this post. Hello, epic plot-hole.


Caveat: Watch it, enjoy it, like it all you want. Be awed by the special effects. But these issues exist whether or not you want to acknowledge them and they affect MY opinion, which you don't have to agree with. Just don't dismiss either the issues or my opinion, yeah?

i'm building these castles with words

Looking back over my writing (and comparing it to what I've read of other people's writings), it's unquestionable that I have a fairly distinctive writing style. The problem I have with it at times is that I'm not sure I like it.

I think I have a decent grasp on my strengths and weaknesses, or at least how I perceive them (though I'm not sure how it might come off to others):

I am good with realistic dialogue. I can make a character say something that they would conceivably say in real life, if they were that situation. I am capable of believable vernacular. On the flip side, when I'm writing humor, I apparently have enough witty one-liners and sarcasm that can carry the tone of the scene.

In continuance with that, I am good with comedic timing and punchlines. I do well with short scenes that make an impact, shaping up a few paragraphs of a situation to conclude with an - oh. A revelation, to either the character or to the reader.

I am not good with overarching plots, pacing, subtle transitions (or else I am too subtle and obscure and the reader will totally miss what I'm trying to convey), and natural development. I am impatient with writing because I like to know where I'm going, so I often have a roadmap of where I want a story to go in my head, and I end up forcing things along without taking into consideration the pacing becomes too abrupty. I overcompensate with what I feel is a lack of progression by throwing in too-subtle foreshadowings that I'm not sure people pick up on during the actual read (and may only seem like foreshadowing to me because I know what happens later on).

I get caught up in descriptions of what people are doing or what their body language is expressing when they're speaking. I don't let the dialogue stand for itself because I know, from personal experience, that people convey unsaid things with their expressions or other small gestures - unfortunately, these tend to bog down scenes with excessive description.

I'm also not very good at describing the setting or background environment of a scene in natural, non-conspicuous ways. I tend to infodump when I remember, oh yeah, I should put in some description of this room or that building or the sky. I should give people enough details for them to get a general idea of where things are taking place instead of throwing a paragraph of text at them, because everyone can use their imagination, right? On the other hand, sometimes I want to describe a particular environment that I know readers wouldn't otherwise imagine. It's a difficult balance. I struggle with that a lot.

Another trap I am guilty of falling into is an overuse of adjectives or adverbs. I'm usually pretty good about them when I am paying attention and at editing out unnecessary ones upon reread. This is why I have to reread. I also reread to get a feel of the general flow of things because I do a generous amount of time-skipping in between scenes and sometimes that jump is not obvious, or it's incongruous or confusing.

As for plot: plot is hard. I tend not to write long things because they require having a better idea or grasp of an overarching plot than I tend to; I'm best with scenes and stories developing organically as I write, which the control freak in me does not allow to happen with longer pieces. Longer pieces demand that I know in what direction I'm heading and it all just ends up driving me crazy.

Sometimes I struggle to find new ways to say old things. I'm not averse to idioms or "clichéd" phrases, as long as they fit into the flow of the narrative (or are apt in dialogue). But sometimes I want to be creative and sometimes that just doesn't work out very well, or I am creative with one particular phrase that I like so much I can't seem to ever think of a new way to express the same sentiment, and I feel like I'm rehashing my writing with the same descriptions or metaphors. Not good.

I also tend to meta in my writing, instead of telling a story. It works, sometimes. Other times it makes me grit my teeth in frustration, but if I have to meta, I would rather do it through a thin veneer of storytelling than in essay form.

Hmm... That's all I can think of to comment on for now, so I'll stop overanalyzing my writing (it comes from writing so much lately...) and actually get back to writing. Ugh, writing is hard. But I write to improve, right?

To paraphrase Stephen King: To be a good writer, you must do two things: read a lot and write a lot.

一辈子陪你一起走下去

on virtual friendships
194w.

Sometimes I would just like to defriend everyone, delete everything, cut off all ties and access, and go live in a real world where people talk face-to-face and you can hear their laughter and feel their presence and the memories live on as more than just words and fading feelings.

People were not made for long-distance relationships. Nor were people made for facsimiles of relationships through the kilobytes and megabytes of technology. I want to feel your arms around me when we hug, without the distance of virtual silence and dead air.

I want more than different colored letters shaping words I will never hear, more than a proliferation of smiles I will never see and heart-shapes that stand in for real emotion. I want the reality of your voice and the tangibleness of a letter, a card, a photograph, under my fingers.

These words, they will last forever, but they are empty - I want the transience of you at my side, moving, breathing, always changing and never static, alive. Alive and choosing to be by my side, to be my friend.

Will you reach out your hand if I reach out mine?