我在你心中只是 just a friend

There's nothing like a weekend with people you chose to love to remind you that the people around you are not the ones you chose...

They (whoever they might be) say: "If you can't be with the one you love, love the one you're with."

How true is this, though? It sounds like good advice, but is it as easy or as plausible as it seems?

Sometimes circumstances force proximity and proximity for an extended period of time creates a false impression of emotional closeness. This is not always true. But it's the way we cope, because when it's make nice with those around you or spend an eon caught in perpetual awkwardnes...the choice isn't really a difficult one. Still, within that group of friends-through-circumstance, there will be some with whom you are closer, some who are probably people you would have chosen to love even without the external factors of environment.

But, one might argue, every situation in life provides external circumstances that force proximity: school, of course, and then work. You don't get to choose where you grow up because that's in your parents' hands; you don't get to choose the kind of people in your class or in your school. In the same way, you don't get to choose your co-workers or your supervisors, which is why people always tell horror stories from work. This is all true. But there are still levels of forced proximity: law school or the workplace, for instance, provide much smaller groups of people you see every day. College, on the other hand, especially state universities like the one I went to, provide such a vast sea of people from which you can pick your friends. This is why people say you make your lifelong friends in college - because they are people you choose to love and that kind of relationship lasts longer. Similarly, the internet provides that kind of wide selection pool where you can pick and choose your friends on whatever criteria you choose: similar interests in books, similar viewpoints on politics, similar worldviews about religion or what-have-you.

When you choose to connect to people on a personal level, the relationship tends to last because you've committed past certain levels of trust. You've opened yourself up to being vulnerable on things that really matter to you, unlike when you connect only on superficial interests such as, oh, basketball or reading or (for instance) kpop. Of course, you can make the argument that certain shared interests can reflect connections on a personal level (e.g., the type of material someone enjoys reading may say something about the kind of person they are and the way they think and approach the world). Still, on the whole, I'm wary of making friendships rooted solely in superficial interests.

No, that is phrased badly. Those friends are good ones to have, because it is always fun to have people you can talk to about those shared interests, with whom you can be enthusiastic without having to explain or justify yourself. I would just recommend (for myself, primarily) in keeping cautious about depending on them for more personal matters; go instead to the people you trust, the people who really know you. They might not be the ones who will shout at or flail at the TV with you, but they are the ones who will love you and support you and advise you in your best interests.

The weekend in NYC made me realize that L&L are people I trust and love; they are trusted, truest friends. I have things in common with them that go beyond liking kpop or liking aquariums or liking delicious Asian food - and that means I don't feel like I have to feel uncomfortable around them. I don't feel like I have to hide so much from them.

Really, the point of this post is just to say that I am grateful for all of my friends, but in particular those I feel most myself around. And that those friends are not necessarily the ones I see every day or that I talk to the most often. They might be; but they don't have to be. I chose to love you and I am thankful for you. :)

朋友一生一起走 那些日子不再有

Leaving New York and L&L recalls for me leaving Seoul last summer, after Super Show: it aches with a reluctance to leave behind one of the best experiences I've ever had. It's partly the city, partly the people, and partly just the entire experience, which has been composed of memory-making moments, incredible amounts of happiness, and a sense of being removed from my mundane reality. I'm so loath to return to the real world. It's harder than last summer too because from Seoul I only returned to Beijing, still a summer in a place a love, despite the work tied to it; leaving New York, I've come back to St. Louis and law school, and I have to hit the ground running. I have a full day of classes tomorrow, I have a Korean quiz to make up, reading to do, an assignment due Wednesday, and a seminar paper to work on. I don't have time to dwell and relive the memories - maybe it will be for the best.

Still, I will probably forgo sleep later tonight or later this week to upload pictures to Facebook or tinypic; I want to share a fraction of the fun I had and show people what I look like when I'm happy. Remember that? Sometimes I forget what it's like.

L&L I had so much fun doing silly things, being touristy, camwhoring, talking, joking. We ate so many delicious things, sang karaoke, got tipsy, talked about celebrity crushes, and shared our fears and thoughts about families and futures. I don't know how to put into words how memorable the weekend was, how it was one of the best I've ever had.

In recent memory, the weekend in Seoul (July 16-19) and the weekend in NYC (March 26-29) have been the most memorable experiences in my life. Because they've helped me rediscover parts of myself and because they've given me reasons (and reminders) to love life. I loved life. I don't know if they are all that life-changing, but they have carved deep impressions in me. I know a large part of why they have attained this pedestal status in my mind is because they are rare, one-of-a-kind, unlikely to be repeated and all the more precious for it: still, I will never regret them.

L&L are like my little sisters - but more than that, they are true friends. I love you guys. It's hard to say goodbye to you, to our weekend, to my brief little escape from reality.

I will another time detail the adventures of this weekend. ♥

a room with a view (OF HELL) -eddie izzard

I guess this is a product of my being INFJ - the "I" in the particular - but I've never had a problem with eating meals on my own? I don't find it lonely or sad; it's actually nice, sometimes, because I recharge in my own time. I need the break from other people. That's not to say I don't like being social or don't want company or people to talk to sometimes; it doesn't mean I wouldn't choose to eat with others over eating by myself (though just as often I choose eating by myself over eating with others). I like people, really. Sometimes, when I'm down, having someone to hang out with or talk to distracts me and manages to help me feel a lot better. But, in the end, I need time to myself to be in a good mental and emotional place. Spending an extended period of time with a large group of people doesn't energize me but rather exhausts me. I prefer one-on-one or small groups.

This post brought to you by random observations.

Oh, one day I do want to make a post about how our circle of friends reflect who we are in that our friends reflect the kind of people we like to spend time with. But then there are also multiple circles of friends who reflect different things about us because we only "choose" our friends to a certain extent. And despite commonalities, sometimes you discover you are very different regarding certain things (some of which turn out to be more important than others)...

But that's for another day. I'm going to bed early tonight.

law school is my boyfriend

Earlier, I found myself quoted, which was strange. This was the passage:

(They say, find a day job, write on the side, support yourself until you are so successful that you can quit your day job. But they don't take into account that writing takes a huge amount of creative, mental, and emotional energy - all of which your day job can drain out of you. What can you produce that is good, that is full of heart and soul and story, after a long, tedious, dry day of work? Those who say that are practical, but where does practicality come in to writing? Writing is an art, and does art leave room for practicality? Or is it something deeper, more innate, more in tune with nature - wild, raw, free - the need for expression?)

I was surprised that I actually sounded somewhat approaching coherent in that; it reads very much me though. An excessive fondness for commas and lists without conjunctions - it is my shame. I am working on converting my sentence fragments into better-flowing complete sentences.

Unrelated to writing because that's something I'm not doing recently (for fun or for school, and it kills me that I'm not), I was thinking about the complexities of relationships and the implications tied into them, whether or not we realize those implications at the time. For example, M has been seeing someone recently - only 3 dates so far, but he's a born-and-bred Midwestern guy and very proud of that. He's only ever been too two states: MO where he was born and where he lives now and AZ where he went to school. He has no inclination to travel and explore the rest of the country, much less the rest of the world; he has no intention of leaving St. Louis. There is always the possibility that a relationship with M will broaden his horizons and open his mind to a new world, but the chance seems small and, to me, seems like so much unnecessary work.

I don't think I could ever date someone who doesn't enjoy Asian cuisine on a fairly regular basis (if not every day), someone who isn't interested in new cultures, someone who doesn't want to see more of the world than just their own backyard. I don't think I could be happy with someone like that. M is uncertain too but this is only a fairly minor concern for her because he is presenting a few more pressing issues for her: his complete stinginess and that he's proclaimed his love for her after just three dates. Three casual dates, mind, not exactly soul-searching, heart-baring, death-defying and life-affirming dates.

But hearing her story made me linger on the unsaid implications if she should choose to continue dating this guy and turn it into a relationship: she would essentially be committing to him and to St. Louis. She can't get into a serious relationship and then turn around and leave school to work on the coast; she can't demand he follow her when his home and roots are all here. Dating means looking towards the future, and the future means you have to consider what you're willing to compromise and what you're not. (This applies mostly to people like me and M who don't do casual; maybe it's a very stereotypical female mindset that the point of dating is to find a suitable person you're willing to spend the reset of your life with. I say "stereotypical" because a lot of girls are capable of doing casual and only want that, and more power to them.)

This is why I don't want to date in law school anymore. I don't want to commit myself to anyone here. I don't want to have to worry about another huge factor I have to work around and compromise with when I consider my future. I'm still young. I want my life to be about me right now, not me with someone else. Right now, I am happy not being in a relationship. I like not having to worry about that, having only to look out for myself and take care of myself.

And I have plenty to worry about. Thanks, law school. You provide me with just as much emotional drama as any relationship could with no cuddling trade-off.

if my life were a chess game... i don't know where this analogy's going.

Where would my life be without irony? Apparently not nearly as interesting to whatever cosmic force is in charge.

On a unrelated food update:

I made a delicious omelet for breakfast yesterday. I love eggs, they're great! I also need to keep in mind that I don't like Mi Ranchito's guacamole at all - it doesn't taste fresh and is a bit too salty. I like my guacamole chunkier too. I should probably just buy the ingredients to make on my own. Avocado, red onions, tomato, optional cilantro, lime, salt & pepper to taste.

I made pasta today (browned ground beef, onions, tomato sauce) because I'm tired of Asian food. Which really takes a lot... Actually, I could probably still enjoy the beef noodle soup from Wong's Wok but, eh, need to save what money I can this week for the upcoming weekend with my lovelies, L&L. ♥

let's not reenact Mean Girls in law school, yeah?

A number of people (including me) have compared law school to high school, which is true in many respects. And that's not an entirely positive analogy because we like to dismiss most of the petty and silly things we did back then as a consequence of immaturity and not knowing better. College opens the doors to a wider worldview, purportedly, and a better understanding of ourselves and those around us. So we'd like to believe - but then law school takes people who've all graduated college, some of whom have worked for a number of years, some who are married (but I don't see this as much in married students because they are far too busy living their real lives and handling real responsibilities on top of school that they don't tend to engage in the following) and makes them all regress.

We have lockers, we have the equivalent of prom, we have one building to which we're essentially confined, we have small classes and cliques and hooking up within groups of friends - we have the reemergence of petty feuds and awkwardness, of value attached to who's in the top 10, top 5 percent of the class. We see again the pervasiveness of gossip.

That isn't to say gossip wouldn't exist otherwise - I hear it's fierce in workplaces, where conditions are similar and therefore prime breeding ground: small groups of people who see each other every. single. day. As if that for some reason justifies the sudden nosiness into who is sleeping with whom, or who was once interested in whom, or who has a grudge against whom. It happens there and it happens here and it's frankly, in my opinion, entirely unpleasant to have to deal with.

Sure, it occurred with some regularity in college too (hell, I was in a sorority, I can definitely tell you about drama), but at the kind of huge public university I was in, you didn't get the same kind of small groups and enclosed spaces. You weren't forced to see the same people day in and day out. There was a lot more personal space - physically and emotionally. So while gossip still occurred, it wasn't with the same sort of regularity or intensity of circulation, I feel.

Law school is proverbial high school all over again; and I say proverbial because, looking back on it, my actual high school experience was nothing so clichéd. I wasn't in the popular crowd (was there a popular crowd? an amorphously defined one, perhaps) but I talked to people in it; I wasn't outcast although I think I tended towards hanging out with people who might be termed (dictated by high school clichés) "geeks": i.e., theater and manga fans, creative writing and ~expression~ fans. But I didn't identify 100% with them or with the "smart nerdy Asian" crowd or the artsy crowd. Whatever it was, high school was fine. Immature and awkward, yeah, but not a TV drama.

Law school? Is more like a TV drama. Not just in terms of personal experience but also in what I've witnessed other people going through or doing - and I find it all pretty sad. You'd think people would grow out of this kind of petty, gossipy mindset. You'd think people would be more concerned with professionalism and making real connections with others (similar to high school, you all tend to scatter after graduation, but now you're at an age where you can handle that kind of distance in a friendship...presumably) rather than worrying about who's dating whom or sleeping with whom or did you see how drunk she got that other time, oh my god.

There are probably all sorts of factors contributing to this kind of mindset or behavior but I don't really care about the reasonings behind it. I guess I just want to say flat out that I'm uncomfortable with how much people gossip and talk behind people's backs, and it bothers me even more when I catch myself inadvertently contributing to it. I don't want to be that kind of person. I can't pretend I'm wholly innocent because I know I've done it; but I don't like it and I really would prefer to not participate in it. So while I can't make others quit, I figure I should at least be more careful about what I say and watch myself so I don't end up participating in it again just to feel bad afterwards. It can't hurt to let people know that I'd prefer they not gossip around me either, but it's more a matter of being responsible for my own actions than for theirs.

Because, hey, I know I definitely do not appreciate people talking behind my back - for good or ill but in general - and in that vein I will try not to do that to others. It's not a fun experience (thank you, anon memes). Let's try to just live our own lives and let others live theirs; accept them as who they are for their faults (or virtues) and, you know, mind our own business. There's a line between friendly concern and friendly joking and plain nosiness and perpetuation of gossip; I'd rather not cross it.


Not impressed with high school behaviors in a professional school.

the puzzle of constant eating

Today and yesterday have been bizarre days in terms of eating: that is, I can't seem to stop. My brain's "Hey, you're full, stop putting things in your mouth" trigger seems to be off, because I keep getting tempted by delicious smells or pictures or even just the thought of deliciousness and then I want to eat again. Usually, you're tempted and your brain says: "Actually, your stomach wouldn't be happy with you if you ate that." My brain seems to be on vacation on that point. (Or possibly on every point; my brain wants a break, okay?)

I've had so many meals and snacks in the past two days that I can feel myself gaining weight. But I still want to eat. (I feel like Closet Cooking is at least partly to blame. Those pictures are amazingly mouth-watering.)

Don't worry; this is offset by the days where I have zero appetite. Those aren't fun days either.

But I suppose I am at least balanced.

(It may be due to my increased water intake lately? Less dehydrated, more appetite? Can you tell I don't remember anything from the last science class I took in, uh, fall 2005?)



On an unrelated note: March Madness started today! Notice my lack of caring, thank you, UNC...

what do you know of your past?

I would have an intellectual discussion on Mao but I never feel like I am informed enough; I'd prefer that other educated and informed individuals hold a conversation or discussion and let me listen in and learn. The most I can contribute, I feel, is personal experience and feelings: how I feel regarding certain issues, how people I know or have observed have felt regarding certain issues, and so on.

This pondering stemmed from an article on an artist's controversial dressing of her baby daughter in outfits depicting, and I quote, "the most evil historical figures of the 20th century". The figures included: Adolf Hitler, Joseph Stalin, Saddam Hussein, Ayatollah Khomeini, Chairman Mao Zedong, Idi Amin, Augusto Pinochet, and Slobodan Milosevic. (Mind, this is for art, which in my mind allows it some leeway. Also, the shallow side of me finds the baby-in-the-Mao-outfit pretty adorable, but that may be the maternal instinct and the Asian bias.)

So my question is: Is Mao considered one of the "most evil historical figures of the 20th century" to a level that makes him comparable to Hitler and Stalin?

I will be the first to admit that he was an idealist and made a lot of misguided attempts at governing that ended in dismal, nigh catastrophic, failure. Many, many millions of people suffered the consequences of his actions.

But I cannot seem to reconcile what I know of him - what I know of Chinese people and their opinions on him - with the Clearly Evil label that the West seems too happy to slap on him. Was he a dictator? Did he commit mass genocide? Did he start or perpetuate a world war? Oppress and starve his people? Not to my knowledge (and my disclaimer is, I humbly recognize, that my knowledge is incomplete and limited).

The majority of the negative opinions directed at him from the West is, as far as I can tell, based almost solely on the fact that he is seen as a figurehead closely tied to Communism. And Communism is Evil. Therefore, Mao is Evil.

One friend, Chinese*, answered my query: "To me, he is. He might have started out with good intentions but he went totally insane."

Another friend, also Chinese**, replied: "No." She qualified it by adding, paraphrased, that although the West seems quick to brand him evil, so much of China seems to like, respect, or otherwise admire him - as if he's done something good. And that, to her, matters. The opinions of the people he was ruling, who would be the ones to most directly suffer the consequences of his actions, matters. And I think it should. To quote her again: "There's only so much ~brainwashing~ can do."

These are things I wonder.

Related to this, but tangentially, the article I linked has a poll. The optional answers to the question "Do you find Baby Hitler offensive?" are: (1) Yes. It's a horrible thing to do to a baby.; (2) No. It's a harmless expression of art.; and (3) Not sure.

Dear New York Daily News:

Yes, I find the outfit on the baby offensive - not the baby herself - because of the ugliness of Hitler's actions and on behalf of all the people who suffered his actions. Not because it's a horrible thing to do to a baby. Why on earth would you think that the baby is the victim here?

Though I can't say I'm terribly supportive of you calling her "Baby Hitler".

Bemused by the misplacing of your priorities when questioning things that are PC,

Mei

So this is food for thought for the moment, while I study for my Korean midterm tomorrow and discuss with various people (again) the utter mediocrity of Burton's Alice in Wonderland. I feel like he's overrated as a director, which is sad, because the visuals are amazing and most of the key actors (save Alice) put in great performances - but that all falls well short of producing a great movie when the story and directing seem so lacking. I'm sad. It had so much potential to be great.


*In the interest of full disclosure, she's Singaporean.
**Canadian.

healthy eating in the works

T and I have taken to bringing sandwiches for lunch when we can because it saves tremendous amounts in food expenses - the problem with that, however, is that one turkey or ham sandwich isn't that filling. In two hours or so, we're hungry again. So we're bringing snack bags of Goldfish crackers and dry cereal or other things as well, which helps but also contributes to my feeling that I'm not eating healthily enough.

So today I thought I'd try to make my sandwich a little more filling. I put on the mustard (djion honey and it adds the perfect kick), lettuce, hickory-smoked ham, and then threw on a some kimchi and a fried egg. The kimchi for flavor because, well, I admit: it's one of my favorite foods and I would be sad to live without it; the egg because it's a lot of protein and is filling. It helped! It was a delicious sandwich and it kept me fuller for a lot longer. I might try to cut up the kimchi into smaller pieces tomorrow though - the bigger pieces made it hard to take bites out of the sandwich. It also got the bread a little soggier than is normal but not to an unbearable amount; I usually make the sandwich around 8:30 and have lunch around 11:30 so it's only a few hours to keep. And it's worth it.

Speaking of food and eating healthier, I really want more seafood in my diet - particularly fish and shrimp. I am endlessly craving shrimp and I can't shut up about it. But I do need more omega-3 in my diet; I definitely see symptoms of its lack. Fish helps a lot with brain power too, especially in focusing; too much coffee is starting to feel gross. Having it every day lessens its effects too. I should default to water (hydration, hydration!) rather than coffee. Tea, even, is a better choice.

Walnuts are also high in omega-3 but, well, I don't really see how they can factor into my diet easily. I eat a decent amount of vegetables, I think, and of tofu and soy, but I definitely need to work on more fish and more fresh fruit. Juice isn't the same because it has so much sugar and the body just doesn't process that the same way it does natural fructose. I am doing (somewhat) better on getting to bed by 1 every night - hoping to actually make it earlier. Sleep is one of the easiest things to give up when it shouldn't be - it is so necessary to a healthy body and mind. It's amazing how good it is for you.

Ginseng and gingko also help with energy and focus but unless I get my mom to send me some through the mail...it's not going to happen. I may look into it the next time I'm at the Chinese market though.

Speaking of which, a new one opened! I should take a look next time I want some milk tea... It'll all hinge on having someone give me a ride though; I really, really hate more than ever the lack of car and associated mobility. The little taste over spring break was only a reminder (a taunt). I could walk around more, I suppose, but it seems so inefficient...

Anyway, the milk tea is freshly made and entirely genuine and utterly delicious. I support this habit: I can, at best, make it weekly.

I am doing my best to keep my spending in line especially recently since I am going to be spending a lot in New York with L&L. Let's be frugal where we can, yeah, Mei?

Now if only I generate this kind of interest in food in my seminar paper. It's killing me slowly, how much I hate writing it. How much I hate writing. Such is law school: sapping all creative energies and destroying all things once found pleasurable.

a successful return from spring break

First day back from break was tough, probably understandably so. It was also ridiculously long - I got to school at 9 this morning and worked on my seminar paper research then had lunch and Korean class. Afterwards I sorted out the details of Operation Babylift, went to Trademarks, did more work on seminar paper research, and finally met with L to do dinner at Ibby's with the panelists. L and I were there early so we played a game of "guess if those people are part of our party" because I had never met and thus didn't recognize any of the panelists I was supposed to meet for our reservation. We failed the game when a group of them walked past us and were seated before we realized that, actually, yes, they were in our party and we should be introduced and seated as well.

Ibby's was really nice, one of those fancy sit-down places where just reading the menu makes my mouth water. Possibly I'm just craving non-Asian food though. Dinner was good, admittedly a little awkward at times before people settled down in their seats and struck up decent conversation. Tammy, the filmmaker, was very eloquent - very young and quite pretty too. I was more impressed with her eloquence though, and her passion for her film - I'm sure she had to be passionate about the project, considering that it took 4.5 years to complete and she had over 40 hours of film in the end. Apparently the first rough cut was 3.5 hours before she finally cut it down to 73 minutes.

L and I chatted with Tammy's husband about law school and where we grew up and some with Professor A about adoption law and cases, all over delicious (free!) food. I had a salad with mixed lettuce, candied pecans, dried cranberries, blue cheese, and a raspberry vinaigrette - so good. I love sweet salads, I do. And then I had maple-glazed shrimp - I knew I would be ordering that as soon as I saw the menu because I have been craving shrimp for nigh on a month now. Still craving it, in fact - it was a light dinner so our menu included only "small plates" and that translated to "not nearly enough shrimp for Mei".

We trekked over to the law school after dinner, making the most of the light. As much as I ahte losing an hour to go on daylight savings, it really is made up for the fact that we have light much longer into the day. The trade-off for gaining the hour in the fall is offset by darkness at five and an abrupt end to any productivity. S commented that you feel like the day ends when it gets dark, so there goes the night. It's absolutely true. I feel like a heliophilic plant, I swear - I thrive off sunlight and can't operate well without it. The night makes me close to useless.

In any case, we welcomed in the flood of attendees (I was really happy to see how many people turned out) and I did a brief welcome. Professor A introduced Tammy, who introduced her film, and then the lights fell and we got to the movie screening. I really don't know what to say about it except that it was really such a good documentary. Operation Babylift: The Lost Children of Vietnam - I hereby officially recommend it. It is so emotionally impacting; it leaves a strong impression, stirs the levels of human empathy. The panel afterwards was really good too, with a lot of people speaking up to offer their own experiences and stories. I was surprised at how many people who attended the screening had personal connections to intercountry adoption or to the Vietnamese adoptees in particular. Overall, I'd say the event was a success and I'm really pleased that it turned out so well. I'm so happy we got to show the film and had Tammy come. I definitely left feeling emotionally (and mentally) enriched. So even though it went on 'til 9pm meaning I was at school for 12 straight hours - it was worth it. It was a very moving film.

Now to set L on the thank you notes - such few words can mean so much! As proved by the Bursons' gratitude at being invited to an event they so graciously and generously sponsored with their student activities fund. I'll need to include Events Planning in the thank yous, too. It's such a simple thing, a basic courtesy, and it makes me sad that my generation doesn't seem to remember those niceties unless formally reminded or rebuked. Birthday cards, thank you notes, Christmas cards - I hope I never reach a point where I don't make the effort. Some things deserve the personal, tangible touch.

시간이 흘렀어도 나이가 들어도

Assorted and unrelated thoughts, collected:

I do like textbooks with a sense of humor. Also awesome are judges who have a sense of humor and write hilarious court opinions.

I will write you 3 million footnotes in the final draft, I promise. Have no fear at my ability to BS in abundance, at great length, with citations.

It is such a literary turn on when authors really know their stuff and convey it through their storytelling, without infodumping. So much "do want".

I joke about the world ending in 2012 but there's a part of me wishing fervently for it because I don't know what I'll do with my life, what I'll be left with, if it doesn't.

(So Mei totally cries at commercials: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5NQaWk_GTNc)

I build my fences high to protect myself, but I've built them so high that you can't see me behind them.

I've never known what it means to "drink someone in with your eyes" until you.



And, to end, a little bit of prose poetry:

This was once a love poem, before its haunches thickened, its breath grew short, before it found itself sitting, perplexed and a little embarrassed, on the fender of a parked car, while many people passed by without turning their heads. It remembers itself dressing as if for a great engagement. It remembers choosing these shoes, this scarf or tie. Once, it drank beer for breakfast, drifted its feet in a river side by side with the feet of another. Once it pretended shyness, then grew truly shy, dropping its head so the hair would fall forward, so the eyes would not be seen. It spoke with passion of history, of art. It was lovely then, this poem. Under its chin, no fold of skin softened. Behind the knees, no pad of yellow fat. What it knew in the morning it still believed at nightfall. An unconjured confidence lifted its eyebrows, its cheeks. The longing has not diminished. Still it understands. It is time to consider a cat, the cultivation of African violets or flowering cactus. Yes, it decides: Many miniature cacti, in blue and red painted pots. When it finds itself disquieted by the pure and unfamiliar silence of its new life, it will touch them—one, then another— with a single finger outstretched like a tiny flame.

—Jane Hirschfield

visual stimulation in exchange for cognitive stimulation

I spent the first weekend of Spring Break being absolutely unproductive in regards to school, which was my goal. I achieved it handily and instead got some shopping done, redyed my hair, read for pleasure, and watched a lot of movies.

So here are some thoughts:

Ponyo on the Cliff: Ponyo was...ridiculously good. It's very Miyazaki, very Japanese, and it has a lot of fantastical elements to it - but it was the brightest and most uplifting Miyazaki film I've ever seen. Ponyo was so cute and strange and endearing; Sosuke was earnest and sweet. The most frightening or dark part of the entire movie had to be the violent tsunami/storm, but it's nothing compared to the darker elements of Spirited Away or Howl's Moving Castle or, god forbid, Princess Mononoke.

A lot of the background art was colored with pencils and it was simply gorgeous. The little details in animation really stood out to me - the way Lisa closed a door with her foot, for example, when her arms are full of groceries. The way Sosuke ran - carefully and awkwardly - when he had a pail full of water in his arms. All the little details were very realistic despite the supernatural elements of the movie, and it was so sweet and innocent and it is currently fighting Howl's Moving Castle as my favorite Miyazaki film. Honestly speaking, I liked it more than I liked Up! The storytelling styles are obviously very different, but I think Ponyo did a better job. While Up! was also fun and moving at parts, I kept comparing it to Finding Nemo and the kind of cohesive storytelling it could have been - but it fell short. Ponyo, being measured on a different scale, still did really well. Imo, of course. But I have a thing for more subtle stories that seem to focus only on one narrow premise (a tiny goldfish princess meets a five-year-old boy and falls in love) but really say much more.

Also, the ending song is too cute for words. I love this movie.

Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs: So I only vaguely remember this picture book from my childhood, but I'm pretty sure it did not turn out nearly as cracky as the movie did. The movie is... Okay, so the directors got high, and then they made this movie. That is basically what happened and watching the extra behind-the-scenes bits did not do much to convince me otherwise.

That said, this movie is hysterical. Very, very funny. I laughed out loud so many times throughout the movie.

So it's a lot of fun to watch - Mr. T's character steals the screen every single time he speaks - but it's full of utter over-the-top ridiculousness. But in a very PG way, which is refreshing.

T&T really liked this movie; for me, it was just entertainment. I liked Ponyo better. But I'd recommend watching this for the laughs, regardless - it's not an amazing story or movie by any critical standard, but it is damn funny.

Alice in Wonderland: We watched this in IMAX 3D which, I think, made the movie that much more enjoyable. Without those extra effects, I'd probably be even iffier on the movie than I am. To briefly sum up the movie, it is very quintessential Tim Burton - a little psychedelic, walking the edge of dark and crazy with an endearing edge. Johnny Depp and Helena Bonham-Carter are great, doing their best at their best typecast roles. It'd be impossible not to recognize their style. They were excellent and fully immersed in their respective characters. Alan Rickman was delicious - or at least his voice, was.

Somewhat surprisingly, I really enjoyed Anne Hathaway's White Queen - she had a fun, human edge of exasperation to her ethereal, good, fairy-princess role. Whoever wrote that in, I approve of it. I connected with (and liked) her character far better than I did with Alice, whose lines came off a bit rote and recited and the emotion behind the words somewhat lacking.

Story-wise, I did like the fact that it was a sequel of sorts to the original Alice, but there were a lot of tropes that I felt could have been better handled: They came off a little too trite and, rather than transforming the cliché, the movie seemed burdened by them.

But, oh, the costuming and the sets were gorgeous. Oh art. Such lovely visuals made up a lot for the lack of deft storytelling (I kept thinking it would have been better off as a book, but that is always assuming that the author of a book is also writing with a deft touch - something that is not always guaranteed in today's mass publishing...).

I'd still recommend watching it, but in IMAX or 3D or both, if possible. The visual effects are necessary to really enjoy this movie. Plus, Cheshire. Now that's an unforgettable smile.



One day I will actually find the time to sit down and meta on other facets of life. This blogging thing, I am growing more and more abysmal at it...

life lesson #23

This is not an apology:

"I'm sorry if X offended you."

All that really says is, "I'm sorry you're oversensitive/don't get my sense of humor/are not as educated or awesome as me/whatever, but I'm still right."

Moral of the story: It doesn't matter if you intend to offend or not. If you did, and someone is offended or hurt, just apologize for it. "I'm sorry I offended or hurt you." The end!

Surprisingly simple and straightforward, isn't it?



As for Rule #1 of the Internet:

Don't read the comments.


I am just full of wisdom tonight. Comes with old age, evidently.