law school is my boyfriend

Earlier, I found myself quoted, which was strange. This was the passage:

(They say, find a day job, write on the side, support yourself until you are so successful that you can quit your day job. But they don't take into account that writing takes a huge amount of creative, mental, and emotional energy - all of which your day job can drain out of you. What can you produce that is good, that is full of heart and soul and story, after a long, tedious, dry day of work? Those who say that are practical, but where does practicality come in to writing? Writing is an art, and does art leave room for practicality? Or is it something deeper, more innate, more in tune with nature - wild, raw, free - the need for expression?)

I was surprised that I actually sounded somewhat approaching coherent in that; it reads very much me though. An excessive fondness for commas and lists without conjunctions - it is my shame. I am working on converting my sentence fragments into better-flowing complete sentences.

Unrelated to writing because that's something I'm not doing recently (for fun or for school, and it kills me that I'm not), I was thinking about the complexities of relationships and the implications tied into them, whether or not we realize those implications at the time. For example, M has been seeing someone recently - only 3 dates so far, but he's a born-and-bred Midwestern guy and very proud of that. He's only ever been too two states: MO where he was born and where he lives now and AZ where he went to school. He has no inclination to travel and explore the rest of the country, much less the rest of the world; he has no intention of leaving St. Louis. There is always the possibility that a relationship with M will broaden his horizons and open his mind to a new world, but the chance seems small and, to me, seems like so much unnecessary work.

I don't think I could ever date someone who doesn't enjoy Asian cuisine on a fairly regular basis (if not every day), someone who isn't interested in new cultures, someone who doesn't want to see more of the world than just their own backyard. I don't think I could be happy with someone like that. M is uncertain too but this is only a fairly minor concern for her because he is presenting a few more pressing issues for her: his complete stinginess and that he's proclaimed his love for her after just three dates. Three casual dates, mind, not exactly soul-searching, heart-baring, death-defying and life-affirming dates.

But hearing her story made me linger on the unsaid implications if she should choose to continue dating this guy and turn it into a relationship: she would essentially be committing to him and to St. Louis. She can't get into a serious relationship and then turn around and leave school to work on the coast; she can't demand he follow her when his home and roots are all here. Dating means looking towards the future, and the future means you have to consider what you're willing to compromise and what you're not. (This applies mostly to people like me and M who don't do casual; maybe it's a very stereotypical female mindset that the point of dating is to find a suitable person you're willing to spend the reset of your life with. I say "stereotypical" because a lot of girls are capable of doing casual and only want that, and more power to them.)

This is why I don't want to date in law school anymore. I don't want to commit myself to anyone here. I don't want to have to worry about another huge factor I have to work around and compromise with when I consider my future. I'm still young. I want my life to be about me right now, not me with someone else. Right now, I am happy not being in a relationship. I like not having to worry about that, having only to look out for myself and take care of myself.

And I have plenty to worry about. Thanks, law school. You provide me with just as much emotional drama as any relationship could with no cuddling trade-off.