There's nothing like a weekend with people you chose to love to remind you that the people around you are not the ones you chose...
They (whoever they might be) say: "If you can't be with the one you love, love the one you're with."
How true is this, though? It sounds like good advice, but is it as easy or as plausible as it seems?
Sometimes circumstances force proximity and proximity for an extended period of time creates a false impression of emotional closeness. This is not always true. But it's the way we cope, because when it's make nice with those around you or spend an eon caught in perpetual awkwardnes...the choice isn't really a difficult one. Still, within that group of friends-through-circumstance, there will be some with whom you are closer, some who are probably people you would have chosen to love even without the external factors of environment.
But, one might argue, every situation in life provides external circumstances that force proximity: school, of course, and then work. You don't get to choose where you grow up because that's in your parents' hands; you don't get to choose the kind of people in your class or in your school. In the same way, you don't get to choose your co-workers or your supervisors, which is why people always tell horror stories from work. This is all true. But there are still levels of forced proximity: law school or the workplace, for instance, provide much smaller groups of people you see every day. College, on the other hand, especially state universities like the one I went to, provide such a vast sea of people from which you can pick your friends. This is why people say you make your lifelong friends in college - because they are people you choose to love and that kind of relationship lasts longer. Similarly, the internet provides that kind of wide selection pool where you can pick and choose your friends on whatever criteria you choose: similar interests in books, similar viewpoints on politics, similar worldviews about religion or what-have-you.
When you choose to connect to people on a personal level, the relationship tends to last because you've committed past certain levels of trust. You've opened yourself up to being vulnerable on things that really matter to you, unlike when you connect only on superficial interests such as, oh, basketball or reading or (for instance) kpop. Of course, you can make the argument that certain shared interests can reflect connections on a personal level (e.g., the type of material someone enjoys reading may say something about the kind of person they are and the way they think and approach the world). Still, on the whole, I'm wary of making friendships rooted solely in superficial interests.
No, that is phrased badly. Those friends are good ones to have, because it is always fun to have people you can talk to about those shared interests, with whom you can be enthusiastic without having to explain or justify yourself. I would just recommend (for myself, primarily) in keeping cautious about depending on them for more personal matters; go instead to the people you trust, the people who really know you. They might not be the ones who will shout at or flail at the TV with you, but they are the ones who will love you and support you and advise you in your best interests.
The weekend in NYC made me realize that L&L are people I trust and love; they are trusted, truest friends. I have things in common with them that go beyond liking kpop or liking aquariums or liking delicious Asian food - and that means I don't feel like I have to feel uncomfortable around them. I don't feel like I have to hide so much from them.
Really, the point of this post is just to say that I am grateful for all of my friends, but in particular those I feel most myself around. And that those friends are not necessarily the ones I see every day or that I talk to the most often. They might be; but they don't have to be. I chose to love you and I am thankful for you. :)
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