it's funny: I always have the words for other people

So it's weird because I was feeling like this yesterday too. The whole "what is the point? why am I doing this?" and "I WILL NEVER BE HAPPY". It is all very dramatic, just like you said, but it doesn't stop being scary or discouraging.

I guess I just want to say I empathize and that, no matter how hard it is for me, I think in the end we can just do our best. I don't think most people have a fixed goal in mind with happiness - and those who do may not be totally realistic. We should spend our lives striving not for some imaginary future happiness but to better ourselves, love ourselves, do something good with what we have. And, like you said, appreciate it.

I don't think you're bland or useless or unlovable. I think you're far too human for that. :) I think you have passion and you have joy and you have sorrow. You care, and you're a friend, and you are smart and capable and it's hardest to convince ourselves (I know how hard it is to convince myself) but I hope it helps a little just to hear the words, even if from someone else.

Now it's only a matter of learning to listen to myself. Or maybe listen to myself less, because I tend to overthink, to panic, to gasp at life like I can't risk the pause to breathe.